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Time To Excel Solo

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Deciding To Go It Alone Is A Massive Undertaking

And while solo looks deceptively simple, you’re starting to realise it’s not as easy as you thought. Welcome to Solo Pep Talk.

For one thing, you're not accustomed to doing everything on your own, whether that’s living alone, working alone, travelling alone, or all three. The amount of responsibility now on your shoulders can be overwhelming, even taxing.You've got nobody around to watch your back. You’re not sure what you could be doing, to feel confident in being solo. You also don't know anyone who's taken the solo path as you have.Sometimes, you feel alone (no pun intended) or misunderstood. And of course, there's the loneliness/solitude battle to contend with.

Time To Feel Good

Getting used to the solo lifestyle is a process and requires a lot of setup to make it work. Fortunately, you don't have to do it all alone – I'm here to help you succeed solo without the stress.My name is Tom Pao and I've been in the world of solo living, working, and travelling for more than 20 years now.

You’re In A Better Place Than You Think

Contrary to what society still believes – that you can't succeed alone, only with friends and family – I take the opposite view. I believe solo is an advantage in life, not something to fear or doubt, and is a valid path in itself. I believe that solo is a skill everyone should acquire, in order to function well in society.You're already on that path, and I'm here to show you how to own it, as well as develop your confidence, skills, and effectiveness as a solo individual.

Time To Excel Solo

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Welcome to Thrive Solo

Welcome to Thrive Solo, where you’ll find actionable advice covering the solo lifestyle in all its forms.Whether you’re interested in living alone, travelling solo for the first time or unsure how to go to the movies alone, I’ve got you covered. Every post here is packed with solutions to their problems and concrete steps to achieve them. There’s nothing vague about any of the advice here, I’m not interested in shortchanging you.Solo living is not straightforward living, as you know, it’s an ongoing test of stamina and courage. These tests are relentless, so require support that is just as relentless. I bring tried-and-tested techniques and strategies from my own experiences as a veteran solo, along with research and studies. I’m here to help you succeed solo.

Living Solo

The Unspoken Reality Of Living Alone: Are You Prepared?

How To Adjust From Houseshare Living To New Solo Living

Difficulty Cooking For One? Introducing The "Mind Fuel" Approach

Suddenly Sick But Living Alone? Essential Steps To Take

Struggling To Manage Finances Solo? Discover Easy Solutions Here!

New To Solo Living And Already Bored? Here’s Why It Happens

How To Overcome The Nightmare Of Doing The Chores When You Live Alone

Working Solo

Working Alone? Don’t Overlook This Vital Step To Success!

Home Office Or Not? The Work From Home Dilemma

Struggling With Procrastination? Learn How To Break Free Quickly

Should You Take Time Off When You’re Self-Employed?

Night Owl Freelancing: Benefits And Drawbacks You Need To Know

Should You Ditch Working 9-To-5 (Now You Work For Yourself)?

How To Find Total Peace And Quiet (When Working At Home)

Travelling Solo

Maximise Your Stay: 10 Mistakes To Avoid When Booking Hostels

How To Recover From Solo Travel Overwhelm (Lessons From New York)

What Is Travelling With A Rucksack Truly Like?

Arrived Without A Reservation? Learn How To Secure Last-Minute Accommodation

Struggling With Language Barriers While Travelling Solo? Here’s How To Cope

Is It Weird To Go To A Bar Alone?

Further Solo

Is It Weird Going To The Movies Alone?

Transform Your Mindset: Conquer The Fear Of Making Mistakes

Are You Struggling With Regret? Here’s How You Escape Its Grip

Struggling With 'Self-Care'? Here's A More Effective Solution!

Addressing The Confusion: The Difference Between "Alone" And "Lonely"

Unmasking The Media’s Bias Against Loners

Time To Own Solo

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The Unspoken Reality Of Living Alone: Are You Prepared?

What responsibilities will rest on your shoulders, without the help of housemates or family to share the load, do you know? While living alone may seem like an escape from shared living, is it really that straightforward?In today's post, I want to provide you with an honest glimpse into what awaits you once you've settled into your solo sanctuary.

Why Am I Doing This to You?

Now, you might be wondering why I'm raining on your parade before you've even experienced the joy of living alone. Why am I doing this?The answer is quite simple: I've seen countless individuals dive headfirst into solo living, only to find themselves overwhelmed and stressed, because they weren't adequately prepared.It's important to understand that living alone isn't just a change of address. It's an entirely different way of life, with its own specific challenges and demands.Contrary to what some might think, living alone isn't the polar opposite of living with housemates or family. You can't create two lists, one detailing all the shared living responsibilities and the other listing the opposites, as the key to living alone.

Tasks Turned On Their Heads

Take, for instance, the simple task of cooking for yourself as a solo renter. It's a whole new experience that goes beyond preparing a meal for one.You'll need to learn how to shop efficiently for yourself without breaking your budget, and become a master of portion control to avoid food wastage. It requires a mindset shift toward frugality and cost-cutting that you might not have had while living with others.Even something as routine as dining alone can be challenging for those who've never experienced it before. For years, you might have shared tables with others, engaging in chitchat while eating. But when you find yourself eating alone at home, the silence can be deafening.Do you see where I'm going with this?Living alone may seem straightforward on the surface, but the reality is that it's a journey — an ongoing shakedown cruise where you can only get comfortable with it by facing all the discomfort first. And there will be plenty of those moments.

The Hidden Trap

I've met many new solo renters who, overwhelmed by the unexpected responsibilities, eventually turned tail back to shared housing. Some did so willingly, while others felt a sense of sadness and regret.They fell into what I call the "easiness trap" — the misconception that solo living is a total breeze. By giving you this advance notice, my hope is to ensure that you don't fall into the same trap.

The Truth Of Living Solo

So, what's in store for you?To help you prepare, here are 12 responsibilities that a new renter will need to handle from day one. For each one, I'll outline the nature of the work involved and the potential challenges it may pose.Let's dive in!Grocery shopping: Shopping for one can be both fun and challenging. It requires careful planning to avoid food and money wastage, all while juggling your food budget with rent and bills.Cooking for one: Preparing meals for yourself can be a major shift from shared cooking. You'll need to adapt recipes for single servings and learn to cook efficiently for one. Cooking alone can also feel isolating at times, if you’re not used to it.Household chores: Yes, we all love doing the chores, right? Now that you're living alone, you're responsible for all of it, including cleaning, laundry, vacuuming, and hygiene. Neglecting any of these can lead to stress.Paying the bills: Managing your finances solo means paying bills on time and budgeting well to avoid debt and potential eviction. You'll need to track expenses, set financial goals, and make sure you're meeting your financial responsibilities.

Household maintenance: You're now the go-to person for fixing issues around the house, from leaky pipes to changing fuses. Lack of knowledge or skills can lead to expensive mistakes or even accidents. Not getting repairs sorted can weigh on your mind.Home security: Making sure your home is safe, from locking doors to setting up security systems, is an ongoing priority. Home security can be a source of anxiety, especially if you’re living in a new neighbourhood.Managing your time: Solo living requires effective time management, now you don't have anyone to share tasks with. You'll need to schedule time for chores, relaxation, health appointments, and social time. A lack of a routine can lead to wasted days and imbalance.Handling emergencies: You're the sole line of defence in case of medical and household emergencies, so knowing how to respond and who to contact is vital.Living clutter-free: Keeping your space organised can be a challenge. There’s always the temptation to “do it later” or tidy up only when you feel like it. An untidy home can impact on your mental health.

Legal matters: Understanding your rights regarding leases and contracts is useful to get a handle on. You never know when these might be called into question.Transport planning: How you travel to work might change, now you live alone. You’ll need parking permits (if you own a car), and understand which public transport options are available.Emotional resilience: Dealing with personal crises alone can be challenging. Of course, you might turn to friends during these times, but this isn’t always possible. Solo living can also be draining at times, and you won’t have anyone at home to take on the burden. Building emotional resilience is crucial to bounce back from setbacks.

If You’ve Read This Far…

Then good for you! Knowing what’s in store, before you’ve moved in, can save you a whole heap of trouble. You won’t be staring at the empty kitchen and worrying about you’ll do for dinner that night. You won’t be struggling to do the chores while balancing a day job, thanks to the time management you know you need to put in place first.Building effective routines into your day is what makes solo living successful. Don’t worry if you’re not sure what these are or how to set them up, I’ll be sharing plenty of tips in future Solo Pep Talk content so make sure you subscribe to look out for those.

Feel Confident Solo

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How To Adjust From Houseshare Living To New Solo Living

Leaving a houseshare to live on your own has turned out to be a lot harder than you thought, hasn’t it? You were excited about living alone; you couldn't wait to have peace and quiet. But the truth is, you miss your housemates. What can you do about it?In this post, I share my experiences and tips to help you transition into solo living.

A Hidden Housemate Thing

If you're coming from a houseshare, that alone is a major undertaking – well done! Living alone really is a shift to the senses. You will now have total control over your living space and the freedom to make decisions without the need for compromise.If you've tired of the noise and barrage of housemates, then you're going to enjoy the solitude and privacy that will come.But of course, while we complained about having housemates, having them around had benefits too. Sure, they could be noisy and exhausting at times, but living with them helped you lighten the load in terms of splitting the chores, bills, and other responsibilities.If you were feeling lousy after a day at work, there was always someone at home to make you feel better. If you were too lazy to cook, well, you could sometimes bum a free dinner!

Probably the first thing you're noticing in your new home is how quiet it is. The absence of constant human presence might be hitting you hard and triggering feelings of loneliness, particularly during the evenings or weekends.You've got nobody to complain about the workday to,. And somehow, watching TV alone doesn't yet feel right.You're also having to do the housework alone and cook dinner alone. Housework is initially hard when you first move in, while making dinner for one can feel weird. You can't seem to relax when you're at home. You might even feel bored, despite having a full work life and a list of amazing hobbies you can't wait to dive into.

Look Forward To The Future

The key thing to remember is that adjusting to living alone is a process and takes time. These challenges are part of adapting to a new experience and lifestyle, and it can't be helped – you just have to face it.You could, of course, go back to living in the houseshare you just left, except you know you don't want to. You've wanted to live on your own for quite some time.So what can you do to help make the adjustment feel smoother?

When I first moved out from living with people (aka family) to go and live independently, I had the same awkward feeling you’re going through. What helped me turn things around was to focus on the many future benefits I’d be gaining by living alone.I’d now have the freedom to organise my day and routines my way, free of people interruptions.I’d now have a HUGE living space all to myself. I could use my home however I wanted, without being hemmed in by other people’s preferences.I also had to remember that while living with people could be fun at times, it was also stressful living. Late for work, but someone’s hogging the bathroom? Been there. Not tidying up after using the kitchen? Sure. Someone eating your groceries, despite it being labelled, because the fridge is treated as “free for all”? Tell me about it.Ad-hoc parties while you’re lying sick in bed? Yeah, never again! Losing the books you lent out? Never, ever again!Being free from living with people and their infinite chaos would definitely make adjusting to solo living go easier and quicker.

The Power Of Right Now

Now you know what’s to come in your future of living alone, here are a few practical tips to help soothe your adjustment period.Start getting to know solitude: The quietness of living alone might feel unsettling at first, but it won’t last forever. The key is to view the silence not as a pain, but as a pleasure. That pleasure is called solitude.Solitude is very different to silence, in that it’s a distraction-free state of being that allows you to recharge. Think of it as a much-needed vacation for the mind. Start to look at your evenings and weekends as an opportunity to drop “the baggage” of the world outside your door, and just chill.Start developing a routine: Establishing a daily routine can give you a sense of structure and stability. Knowing what to expect each day will make the adjustment to living by yourself feel more manageable.Make sure to also create a budget to manage your finances more effectively and help you stay on top of bills and expenses.Start to create your home: Now you’ve secured your home, time to start personalising it, with decoration and furnishings that will make it feel more inviting. Creating a home that reflects who you are is a lot of fun!Work on home security: Now you’ve moved in, time to make your home feel safe and secure. Change the front door locks immediately and add new locks to windows and other access points.Stay connected: Just because you're living on your own now doesn't mean you have to isolate yourself. Keep in touch with your friends and family with regular visits, calls, or video chats.Get to know your new neighbourhood and find fun places you can hang out at such a favourite cafe or bookshop. Joining community clubs or local events can also help you ground yourself in your new environment.

Take A Breath

Remember, that adjusting to living alone takes time, and it's okay to feel uncomfortable during this period. I promise it’s only temporary. Be patient with yourself, and don't be too hard on yourself if you encounter challenges along the way. The peace and quiet you’ve longed for is just around the corner. Hang in there!

Adjust To Solo Living With Ease

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Difficulty Cooking For One? Introducing The "Mind Fuel" Approach

Are you living alone and finding it difficult to cook for yourself? Do you struggle to prepare meals three times a day, to the point of frustration? Why has this seemingly simple task of cooking become so challenging now that you're a solo renter, when it was once a routine when you lived with others?In this post, I’ll explore the reasons behind this predicament and introduce you to a new perspective on meals, tailored for solo diners.

The Solo Renter's Clock

Why would a solo renter have difficulty managing their meals? After all, we've all grown accustomed to the routine of eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner throughout our lives, so it should be second nature, right?But let's ask a fundamental question:

Is it absolutely necessary to eat three times a day, just because society dictates it?

In many cases, the three-meals-a-day habit was established to suit family schedules. As you transition from living with others to living by yourself, these customs no longer apply. You now have the opportunity to create your own eating patterns.Living alone means the only clock you're following is the one you set. There's no one else in the house signalling breakfast time (by putting the kettle on) or setting the dinner table (the sounds of plates and cutlery). Communal living used to set the rhythm of your day.When you live alone, it's easy to become complacent about the three-meals-a-day routine. Solo living comes with responsibilities, so it's easy to lose track of time when you're immersed in home maintenance, chores or hobbies. If you go to work, you might come home exhausted and forget to do the weekly shopping, because there's no one reminding you.When you’re living alone, you lack the support system that keeps you on track with your diet and daily routines.

Introducing "Mind Fuel"

I’m not suggesting you should abandon the three-meals-a-day rule entirely, if you don’t want to; it's your house, your rules. However, if you're struggling to keep up with it, it might be time for a change.Cooking isn't just about eating; it involves food preparation, grocery shopping, and cleanup - all of which you must handle alone. And while takeout might be tempting, it's not the healthiest or most budget-friendly option, let’s be honest.So, what can you do to ensure you get the sustenance you need and the motivation to cook it? You need to start viewing food as "mind fuel."

I'm not a nutritionist or a food expert, by the way. But living solo for almost two decades has changed my perspective on meals and their role in supporting a solo lifestyle. Let's break down the concept of "mind fuel" into its components.At its core, the whole point of food is to provide humans with energy to keep us feeling alert and active. Food is essentially fuel.As I mentioned before, living well solo requires that we juggle a lot of tasks, all of which involve a lot of mental work (such as decision-making, planning, and learning). Such work requires a sharp mind to make informed decisions. When you combine the fuel aspect with the mental aspect, you get "Mind Fuel."

A New Perspective

"Mind fuel" is how I approach food as a solo renter. While I do enjoy indulging in treats with friends (give me KFC any day!), my day-to-day solo life revolves around buying and eating foods that support a sharp mind.This means I don’t buy food that impedes on mental clarity and leads to lethargy, laziness, cloudiness, and fatigue - such as processed foods, takeout, sugar, alcohol, and frozen meals. I prefer to cook for myself and eat fresh weekly, including fresh chicken, vegetables, tinned fish, rice, bread, fruit, green tea, and my beloved morning coffee.

Meal Planning For Mind Fuel

Do I eat three times a day? No.I eat for fuel, not to conform to a random societal schedule. I know what I eat will give me all the energy I need to have a satisfying day. What kind of diet do I follow? Here's a barebones example of a single day's meal plan:

• Morning: Bread with bananas and honey, or yoghurt• Lunch: I often skip traditional lunches and opt for snacks during the day like natural peanut butter on toast, or noodle soup if I'm particularly hungry.• Dinner: Typically includes chicken or fish, rice, and stir-fried vegetables, such as in the photo below. I've learned from personal experience that chicken takes four hours for me to digest, so if I eat it at 7 pm, I'm not hungry for the rest of the evening.

Applying "Mind Fuel"

So, how can you apply the "Mind Fuel" concept to your own life? Here are some steps to help you get started:Step 1: Identify what's most important for you to function effectively in your daily life as a solo renter or in your professional career. Is it better sleep, physical vitality, or a sharp mind for analytical work? Select one goal, and remember that you can change it later if needed.Step 2: Create lists of foods you enjoy, that support your chosen goal, and foods that block your progress, leaving you feel sluggish or unwell. Label the first list as "Mind Fuel." Decide whether to eliminate items from the second list based on your preferences.Step 3: Develop simple recipes or meals using the ingredients from your "Mind Fuel" list.Step 4: Make a habit of shopping for these "Mind Fuel" ingredients and set a weekly reminder on your phone to stay on top of stocking your fridge and cupboards.

The Power Of Mindful Shopping

By filling your kitchen with "Mind Fuel" ingredients, you're not only making a conscious choice to eat healthily, but also tying your shopping habits into your personal goals.Shopping for one person becomes a more deliberate process when you do this. It leaves you motivated to maintain a balanced diet, because it directly contributes to the results you desire.

Bon Appetit

To sum things up, cooking for one, for sure, can be challenging, but it also presents us an opportunity for change and personal growth. The way we eat food as solos isn’t the same as how we’d eat food at the family table, which changes its meaning as well. Hopefully the approach shared in this post can help you regain control of your mealtimes and lead to happy, satisfying experiences.

Get To Know Solo

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Struggling To Manage Finances Solo? Discover Easy Solutions Here!

Living solo is often praised for the newfound sense of freedom and independence it brings. No longer do you have to share your space with housemates! Yet, there's an important aspect that needs addressing: taking on the reins of your bills and expenses by yourself.In this post, I'll take a serious look at this topic, offering tips to make sure your financial journey goes smoothly.

Let's Begin With The Positives

In the days of communal living, the shared responsibility of home finances meant costs were divided among housemates. Rent, bills, groceries, and other expenses were conveniently split among everyone.In my rare houseshare stints in London, the five of us agreed to pool our resources together and buy bulk staple items we all needed, such as rice, bread, potatoes, dairy, and, uh, beer. This saved us a lot of money!However, those days of easy living are now in the past. As a solo renter, you're now faced with a range of financial responsibilities to handle alone.

Here are five common expenses:Rent (or mortgage) payments: For most solos, the largest and most important expense is the monthly rent or mortgage payment. Timely payment is key for maintaining your living situation.Utilities: Electricity, water, gas, and internet bills are essential aspects of any home. Making prompt payment falls on your shoulders to avoid disruptions.Insurance: Depending on your situation, renter's or homeowner's insurance might be necessary to protect your property and belongings.Groceries and household supplies: Unlike shared living, where such responsibilities were divided, you’ve now got to stay on top of all of it.Miscellaneous expenses: These include home maintenance costs and occasional indulgences like late-night takeout.

Unseen Surprises

Being the sole manager of your finances goes beyond bill payment. You need to be organised and stay on top of deadlines or succumb to unnecessary stress. Without housemates, there's a greater risk of forgetting bill deadlines and incurring penalties for late payments.Juggling multiple accounts can be overwhelming sometimes, and losing account numbers or PINs can add to delays. It's also easy to overuse energy and water, without realising it, resulting in higher bills that strain your budget.Managing your finances solo might seem daunting at first, but along the way, you might discover surprises - such as savings! You’ll become more mindful of energy usage. Turning off lights and unplugging devices will become habits as you reduce your costs.When shopping, you'll buy smaller quantities, thereby reducing waste and saving money. You'll also be more aware of expenses that might have gone unnoticed in shared living, such as takeout or frivolous spending.

Taking The Reins

Feeling overwhelmed by all of this?

Don't worry, there are a few simple strategies to help you get in control:Automate as much as possible: Set up automatic bill payments to avoid missing deadlines. Use online banking and payment apps to simplify the process.Put together a budget: Create a practical budget covering all expenses, from bills to groceries and leisure. Tools like Google Sheets or Microsoft Excel can help.Embrace technology: Use budgeting apps and finance software to track expenses, set goals, and monitor progress.Seek expert advice: If finance management feels daunting, consider talking to a financial advisor for tailored guidance.Prioritise savings: Allocate a portion of your income to savings each month. Even a small amount, such as $50-100 a month, can accumulate over time, providing security during unexpected challenges.

You’ll Do Fine

As you step into the realm of managing your finances alone, you might experience a mix of apprehension. But in doing so, you'll be taking charge of your future and paving the way for a more stress-free life. Just take a deep breath, and let your financial journey begin!

Time To Excel Solo

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New To Solo Living And Already Bored? Here’s Why It Happens

You’ve only just moved into your own place, and now you’re feeling bored? Already? You’ve always wanted to live alone, so how can this be happening? Even your day job isn’t enough to get you motivated. What’s going on? Let me help you find out.

The Impact Of Boredom

Boredom did, of course, happen when you used to live in houseshares or with a partner. Boredom is, in fact, quite common, and it happens when our goals don’t excite us anymore, or when the new and exciting becomes familiar and commonplace.

Boredom is an emotion, so when it strikes, usually without warning, it can leave us in a listless place. We lose motivation, start scanning the TV channels randomly, binge eat, sleep in longer than usual, or stare out of the window a lot.Boredom can affect our self-esteem more directly, as solo renters, simply because we can see its impact right in front of us: aka our deteriorating home. With so many responsibilities on our shoulders, the failure to do any of these, such as doing the chores, can turn our happy havens into unkempt digs.Dishes might clog the sink, dirty clothes might stay in the laundry basket, and we fall behind on the rent.So, why does this happen? Weren’t you supposed to be excited about living by yourself? Is there a way out of the malaise?

A Physical Alarm Clock

When you lived with housemates or a partner, inevitably their presence was like an alarm clock for you.You could hear them getting ready to go to work, or going to the shops, making dinner, or watching television. We could literally set our watch off of their activities! For a houseshare to run smoothly, it usually meant an even split in chores, with everyone having to do their part.If it was your turn in the rota to do the laundry, you couldn’t lie in bed all day and skip the task, lest everyone else scream at you!Without someone else reminding you to get up and go to work, by sheer force of their presence, you’ve now got to do that for you.

Get Happy Daily

You need to create a structured routine at home to ensure your days solo are fulfilling. If this sounds daunting to create, don’t worry, it isn’t.I’ve come up with a general routine I call “Happy Daily” that you can use to help you plan your own.One big note before we start: Even if you spend most of your week in a day job or at school, you still need a home routine regardless. A home routine is for every single day of the week, even when you’re not at home. It helps set the mood from the moment you wake up, and gives your day a sense of direction

1. A Fresh Start

Start your morning off with a regular wake-up time, to set the day on a positive note. Shower next, then tuck into a balanced breakfast that will give you the energy you need to face the day ahead. Get your blood flowing with a few simple stretches or a brief workout.The morning isn't just about physical well-being. Spend a few moments meditating or journalling your intentions for the day. These moments of private time can help lay the foundation for an eventful day.

2. Getting Ready for Action

When mid-morning swings around, your mind will be hungry for action. Create a to-do list or prioritise tasks that need your immediate attention. Doing this not only organises your time, but also provides you with a clear purpose.With your tasks in hand, dive into an activity that resonates with you, such as a book, a hobby, or even nixing some housework you know you need to tackle.

3. Nourishment Time

As the clock strikes noon, it's time to refuel both your body and mind. Prepare a lunch that can sustain you for the rest of the afternoon. After you’ve finished eating, head outside for a short walk. Getting outdoors, even if briefly, can recharge your focus.

4. Harnessing Your Productivity

If you have work or tasks to complete, dedicate the afternoon to accomplishing them. Embrace the satisfaction that will come from crossing items off your to-do list.You can also spend the time learning a new skill, whether it's a new recipe, a musical instrument, or a craft you've wanted to explore.

5. Cultivating Connections

As late afternoon/early evening approaches, use this opportunity to give your loved ones a quick call. You’re never alone when you’re living alone (unless you live on the moon). Keeping in touch with friends during the week can lift your spirits.You can also use this time to unwind from the day’s activities. Engage in a light workout or go on a walk, as a way to reconnect with your inner self. If you prefer to do this using creative means, such as drawing, writing, or photography, dive into that.

6. A Time To Unwind

As day turns to dusk, turn your focus to your evening routine. Eat a balanced meal that replenishes your energy reserves. Try and eat without scrolling social media or watching TV, and instead immerse yourself in the present moment.The evening that follows dinner is all about tranquility. Engage in calming activities that centre on relaxation and reflection, such as reading, a bath, or listening to music. Use this time to decompress and pause the demands of the day.

7. A Restful End

Before the final chapter of your day unfolds, take a few moments to reflect on your day so far. Acknowledge your achievements, however big or small, and express gratitude for all the positive moments. Set the stage for tomorrow by laying out your clothes, packing your bag, and reviewing your to-do list.Before you get into bed, embark on a digital detox. Unplug from your devices at least an hour beforehand to allow your mind to settle down. Instead of staring into screens late into the night, establish a soothing bedtime routine.Reading, gentle stretching, meditation, or practicing gratitude all help you get a good night’s sleep. Avoid drinking caffeine or alcohol, as these keep your brain from falling asleep.

8. Back To Step 1

Repeat Steps 1 to 7 until they become old hat to you.

The Hidden Result Of Routines

Having a structured routine isn’t only about guiding you through a fulfilling day, it also primes your mind for rejuvenating rest. In the realm of solo living, where every task and decision rests on your shoulders, a structured routine acts like scaffolding, helping you manage everything with ease. It can also help you ride the ebbs and flows of life, giving you a sense of direction, purpose and connection.

Time To Thrive Solo

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Suddenly Sick But Living Alone? Essential Steps To Take

What happens when you get sick and you’ve got nobody around to take care of you? What if you don’t have any pills to hand to fix a sudden migraine or help you overcome a condition you have? These are common questions I’ve seen in solo circles, from both experienced renters or those contemplating a switch from houseshares.But before I dive into the answers, there’s one bee in my bonnet that needs addressing when it comes to solo living.

The Unspoken Rule

I've come across solo renters on forums who grumble about the amount of responsibilities that come with living alone. Many have come into living solo unprepared, often with the belief that it’s a simpler life than houseshares, due to the reduction of housemates.

Living on your own is not the opposite of shared living. It looks deceptively simple, because there’s only one of you. Saying goodbye to all those housemates means you’ve now got to handle the finances and workload you’d’ve otherwise shared together.To succeed solo, you have to be willing to get your hands dirty. Self-accountability is essential and unavoidable in solo living. Yes, you’ve got to cook for yourself. Yes, you’ve got to do your own home repairs, and tackle the bills alone.

Now you’ve given up on shared living, you’ve got to step up, in order to make solo life work.Grumbling is easy, but doesn’t really achieve anything in the long term. If you’re struggling to live alone, well, perhaps it’s not for you. There are plenty of shared living options out there.

Anticipating The Future

Prioritising your well-being is the right attitude you need to adopt, not just for solo living, but also when it comes to health emergencies. I come from a background of events production and if there’s one thing I learned from my former job, it’s the importance of trying to prepare in advance for any future problems before they happen.There are any number of things that can go wrong when running an event, such as guest issues, equipment failures, or unexpected weather changes. Similarly, living alone comes with significant risk. You’ve got nobody to delegate to, period.Start taking charge of your health today, before any illness can strike. Make it a priority to keep your pill cabinet fully stocked and keep a first aid kit in your home. Add a reminder to your phone diary app to check in on your pill cabinet every week as well as your stocks of whatever medication you need for the conditions you have.

Find out where your nearest pharmacies, hospital and doctor are and get their phone numbers as well. It can suck bigtime having to get out of bed and hunt down pills when you’re sick - I’ve been there! - so having this knowledge in the bag beforehand can help reduce any anxiety and stress.Getting to know your neighbours is also invaluable. When you’re sick, a neighbour can cook for you or collect your medicine. Being nice to your neighbours is also good for them; you can help them by collecting their mail when they’re away or equally with household emergencies.What do you do about meals when you’re ill? If you don’t have the energy to get out of bed, then for sure you won’t have the energy to cook!Turning to your neighbours is one option, another is to order in, using services such as DoorDash or Uber Eats, as well as local takeaway delivery. If you don’t want to spend unexpected money, stocking up a few frozen items well in advance, such as pizza and lasagna, can be useful as well.

Get In The Zone

Living alone does require you to step up and take responsibility for your life. You can’t have a lax mindset when you’re living alone, you’ve got no one to pick up after you now. Remember, solo living is not just about dwelling alone; it’s about creating a life you can be proud of, even in the face of obstacles.

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How To Overcome The Nightmare Of Doing The Chores When You Live Alone

What is cleaning and maintaining your home really like when you live alone? How do you stay on top of your chores every week, while maintaining a full-time job? Let’s dive in!

What To Maintain

Deciding whether to live on your own isn’t only about finding the right place to live. It’s also coming to terms with the endless responsibilities you’ll have to take on, many of which were previously done with roommates, a partner or family.Let’s face it: unless you’re a professional cleaner (or a sadist), none of us like doing the chores. Especially alone. But nobody wants to live in squalor either.Here’s a list of some of the chores you will need to tackle:Vacuuming: Keeping your floors clean is essential for a happy living space. Dust, dirt, and hair can build up quickly and affect your overall comfort.Changing the bedsheets: Making sure your bed is fresh and inviting is important for a good night's sleep. This means changing your bedsheets on a regular basis to maintain hygiene.Laundry: Managing laundry is an ongoing task, not gonna lie! It’s true, that you only have your clothes to worry about now, and no one else’s. Despite that, sorting, washing, drying, and folding clothes can still be a time-consuming activity.Cleaning: Chucking away expired or spoiled food from the fridge on a weekly basis is a definite must. Nothing’s worse than the look and smell of mould. Cleaning and disinfecting your bathroom stops bacteria from taking root there.Grocery and budget management: Planning your shopping can help you save time and money. Staying on top of your budget also keeps you in the loop when it comes to expenses and income.

The Space Thing

You might be wondering - does the number of chores differ in any way, whether you’re living in a studio flat or a one-bedroom apartment? A studio is smaller than an apartment, so chores should be easier to manage, right?In my experience, the answer is: not really. Although a studio is smaller than an apartment, its lack of space can actually magnify clutter. It’s impossible to avoid seeing dirt and junk from anywhere you look and feeling the urge to do something about it!On the other hand, a one-bedroom apartment can lead to more junk, thanks to having more rooms.

Break The Resistance

Trying to keep on top of your chores on a regular basis can be an ongoing challenge. It’s easy to fall behind on your tasks when you’ve had a busy week, which is why it’s important to establish a system straight after you’ve moved in.Here's how I decided on my schedule.So, I decided early on that dedicating an entire morning or evening to cleaning was just too daunting. Who wants to spend their valuable weekend days on cleaning? Who wants to come home from work after a busy day, and then have to do the vacuuming? Certainly not me! First thing I did was draw up a comprehensive list of all the chores I needed to do.I then grouped similar chores together and completed them during various points across the week. I cleaned the bathroom after every time I showered. I doubled up boring chores with enjoyable activities, such as listening to podcasts while vacuuming. I batch cooked all my evening meals in one session to save time during weekdays, developing a technique I call the Cooking Plan.If I had to visit the laundromat, I would do it at the same time I went to the grocery store. I emptied the fridge the same day I’d stock it with new food.

Making Friends With Cleaning

The key to successful chores is to take the time to think about your daily routine and come up with a schedule that blends into your life. Here are five approaches to help you kickstart your own process:Do it on the weekend: Pick a specific time during the weekend to tackle all the weekly tasks in one go.Do it after work: Schedule one evening a week after work to get the necessary tasks done.Go easy or hard: Divide your chores into two lists – easy and hard tasks – and do them on different days according to their complexity.Spread it: Breaking down your tasks and spread them across different days of the week.Outsource it: If your budget allows, consider hiring a professional cleaner to visit once a week and handle the cleaning tasks for you.

Importance Of Consistency

When you’re living alone, it can be tempting to procrastinate on household tasks. It’s easy to delay what needs doing. But sooner or later, you’re going to become acutely aware of mess, since you’re going to be the only person making all that mess in the first place! With the right mindset, you can create a comfortable, well-maintained sanctuary to call your own. Just remember to vacuum and wash the dishes!

Time To Own Solo

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Working Alone? Don’t Overlook This Vital Step To Success!

Becoming your own boss is a dream for many and a daring step you yourself have taken. But amongst the romanticism that comes with escaping the daily grid is one detail that can derail a new business and amp up your stress levels.But before I dive on ahead, I want to ask you about your old job. Do you miss anything about it?

Beyond The Office Walls

What a strange question to ask!What exactly could anyone working for themselves miss about their previous life “working for the man”? You dreamt of escape for years, right? You couldn’t wait to do something to fulfil the potential you know roared within you.As Github co-founder Tom Preston-Werner once said,

“When I’m old and dying, I plan to look back on my life and say ‘wow, that was an adventure,’ not ‘wow, I sure felt safe.”

It wasn’t just the repetitive nature of your job you began to loathe. You started to resent the people you worked with, while the daily commute and long hours would often drive you mad.

If you worked in an office, it meant working in resembled a makeshift clinic at times, with its strip lighting, beige walls, and lack of intimacy. While it’s easy to complain about the setting and the people who occupied it, it’s also easy to overlook the infrastructure you were provided with when working for someone else.

The Overlooked Ease

Think about it.When you worked in the corporate grind, you could slide into your designated desk, after your morning commute, and immerse yourself in the job you were hired for, without a fuss.Someone else organised your workload and meetings, as well as your professional training, handling your development without your direct involvement. Client acquisition and lead vetting were handled by a separate department.Having a fixed workspace that was set aside especially for you meant you could leave your work there at the end of the day. You had more options for lunch beyond being confined to your desk. And when colleagues left at 5pm for the day, it signalled the end of your workday too.

You Loved Them (No, Really)

And let’s touch on those colleagues, as well.Remember all those water cooler moments? The casual chats, the shared jokes in the elevator, the camaraderie — all those seemingly trivial yet meaningful interactions that helped your day flow by?Of course, there were days you couldn’t stand being around these people too! If you worked with the same people for years, that meant seeing the same faces day after day. The daily “grind” isn’t a joke, when it can grate your soul.

Then one day, someone brings in a box of doughnuts for the team to share, and somehow, all these ill feelings go away.Like it or not, you were part of a structured environment, even if you resented being a cog in that machine.

And Then There Was You

Now, picture your new reality: as you venture into self-employment, you’re now responsible for replicating all these aspects and by yourself. Working from home requires you carving out a dedicated workspace to maintain focus and keep it separate from personal life distractions.If you decide to rent an office, doing so won’t replace the comfort of a true team office. You’ll likely be surrounded by strangers sharing the premises rather than familiar faces.Being self-employed also means wearing numerous hats. It’s not just about doing the day-to-day labour work; it also means doing the marketing, client search, networking, finances, and business operations — all managed by you, as well as the client relationship-building.While working at home can lead to greater concentration and focus, being in a place devoid of the banter, jokes, and occasional treats you had in your office might be challenging. Even if you preferred solitude over team environments, the absence of these small social interactions can feel isolating.If you were sociable at work, this can take a toll.

The Forgotten Picture

If this sounds like I’m dampening that dream of yours, of wanting to take control over your work life, that’s not the case.It should be used as more of a caution. You need to be aware of the bigger picture of what it means to work for yourself. I’ve met many freelancers in my years who neglected the managerial and administrative sides of solo employment.I once asked a group of international freelancers at a networking event in Berlin to complete an online survey sharing what difficulties they encountered when running their business. Ninety nine percent of respondents said they felt they lacked a sense of place, now they worked alone. “It doesn’t feel like an office when you work from home, is that normal?” a graphic designer from Milan once said to me.Many of these freelancers were creatives who had gotten into solo work in order to just be more creative! None of the other roles had occurred to them.

Time To Build

Struggling to establish a work-life balance without a structured office routine is a common problem for new work aloners. So how do you build a new infrastructure to help support your new venture?Here are five tips, based on my experiences and that of my Berlin peers.Set up a home office: First things first, you need to designate a space at home to be your place of business. Even if you’re renting an office, you still need somewhere at home to serve as a base of operations (or at least a place to store your filing, business mail, and laptop). This space could be a separate room, or a desk/table will do. This space will help create a mental division between work and personal life.If you do work at home, you need to create a physical boundary between your office and your living areas. Hang a sign on your office door or wall that displays your business’ name along with your working hours.If you don’t have a door, use a well-placed bookcase, table and plants to help form the boundary.Establish a daily routine: Creating a structured routine, that contains your work hours, breaks, and personal time, will help you avoid burnout. For instance, you might choose to start your day with a morning ritual to signal the beginning of work.List your business "departments": To help you visualise the various roles your business demands, sit down and make a list of the areas you will need to cover. The goal of this exercise isn’t to make you feel worse than you already do by all the extra responsibilities you’ll have to take on, but to get you thinking about ways to stay on top of the resulting workload.You might realise, for example, that you can spend just 30 minutes a day doing social media marketing over coffee, instead of doing it in a weekly batch.Join a local business network: A good a way to offset the the void left by office interactions is to build new connections. Start connecting with local or online business communities, you can even start your own networking group. You can meet for virtual coffee dates, if you don’t have the time to attend in person.Define your exact business identity: So, what exactly do you do in your business? Don’t keep it in your head, instead set aside some time to brainstorm what you do in writing. Print off a copy and display it in your office. Being able to articulate what you offer can help guide your decisions and future growth.

Feel Better

Running your own business from home can feel like a grand achievement all by itself. But turning your ideas into reality often misses out a crucial detail, one that enables you to function well as a professional. Accepting this reality early on and building a starting point will better serve your entrepreneurial journey and make your day-to-day feel more manageable and rewarding.

Let's Succeed Solo

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Home Office Or Not? The Work From Home Dilemma

Here's a question you might not have thought about: "If you're now working from home, how exactly are you going to do that?” After all, a home is not the same as an actual office space. For you to work effectively at home, you're going to need to set up a proper office space. And by office space, I don't mean your bed!Is it really necessary to have a home office now that you work at home? In this guide, I'm going to explain why you need a separate workspace, then take a look at what you need to build a great office.

Why Not Work From Bed?

Somehow, working from your bed - or even the beach - has become a romanticised image of running a business, especially for laptop-driven work. But it's not as comfortable as it sounds. Bending down towards your screen is not good for your neck and shoulders. Sitting on your bed also signals to your brain that you want to sleep, as this is the position most associated with taking a nap.If your work requires deep concentration, no amount of caffeine will boost your mind if you’re working on your bed!

The Unspoken Purpose Of An Office

So, why would you need an office?Surely the whole point of working from home is to be free from being in one! While working at home is for one of the perks of quitting the daily grind, you’re not on vacation here.Homes are not set up to be offices, but as places to relax, so it can be difficult to think of them as a place to work in. Here’s why you need one:Concentration: You need a space where you can focus on client work. Distractions can be a problem, especially if you have housemates.
Even if you live alone, you still have to contend with noise such as your neighbours watching television during the day, school kids, and delivery vans.

Professionalism: Your home office reminds you that you're at work. Working for yourself is still a job, and knowing you have a place to do that in can help you stay motivated and productive.Organisation: An office is the hub for everything related to your job, including filing cabinets, storage, and printers. Keeping everything in one place can give you peace of mind as well as reduce the loss of any important documents.Inspiration: Your home office should be a place that provides inspiration specific to your work. It's a canvas for your accomplishments, along with books related to your field, and artwork to lift the mood.A place to meet clients: If you work with local clients, inviting them over can be an option, especially if a client needs to see something tangible such as a prototype. It can be exciting to invite a client to your home base; you get the chance to show off your business, something you can’t do if meeting in a coffee shop.

Winning Basics

So what makes a home office a good home office? Do you need an expensive set up to succeed, one with all the latest tech?I’ve learned over the years that there are barebone basics to any good office. No, you don’t need to splash out on high spec furniture, where second-hand can do perfectly well.To get your home office off the ground, here are the essentials to get you started:

A desk: This is where you’ll put your computer and do most of your work. A desk offers stability and helps maintain good posture during work.A chair with a backrest: Opt for a chair that supports your back and shoulders while you work. Ergonomics can make a huge difference in terms of comfort and productivity.A filing system: Whether it's digital or physical, you need a system to organise your paperwork. Plastic folders work well for simple documents, but if you have more extensive needs, consider a filing cabinet and mail stations.A bright space: Natural light is ideal, but if that's not possible, invest in good artificial lighting. White walls, artwork, plants, and photos can create a positive atmosphere.Quiet for communication: Set aside a quiet space for phone calls and video meetings with clients.Refreshments: Having a kettle for hot drinks and a place to store snacks can help you stay energised. Keep these separate to your work area to reduce clutter.Noise-cancelling headphones: These can be a lifesaver when you need to block out distractions.

Your Home Base Awaits

Creating a comfortable home office will help you stay focused and professional, while maximising your creativity and productivity. Your home office isn’t just a physical space; it's the key to unlocking your job potential and achieving success in your career.

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Struggling With Procrastination? Learn How To Break Free Quickly

The thought of spending your days working from home sounded like a dream, didn’t it? No more commuting, no more daily grind. So why is it that today, you can’t seem to stop scrolling your phone? Welcome to the procrastination trap! It’s a slippery slope of waning motivation that anyone working for themselves will face sooner or later. Here’s how you break free.

The Subtle Shift

Remember back in the day when you used to work for a company? The fixed office hours you had, the routine, and the deadlines that kept you on your toes?Back then, you could afford a bit of downtime between tasks, and it wouldn't raise eyebrows. You could chat casually about the weekend or latest movie release, without any worries. The endless chit-chat during the day, while aggravating at times, helped make the hours go by quickly.What you might not have realised, though, is that the infrastructure surrounding your former job also held you accountable. You didn’t have to think about motivation or what task to focus on next; the deadlines and targets set by your team did that for you.You could just rock up at 9am, and get on with your day.

No One’s Watching

Fast forward to today. Now you hold all the reins, the autonomy this brings also comes with a lack of daily oversight. You’ve got nobody to check in with during the day. Relaxation becomes a bit more challenging. The line between work and personal life can easily blur, fuelled by the convenience of working from your own bed, uh, office.Want to grab a quick lunch? Sure, only now your kitchen is a few steps away from your desk. Need to check your phone? Yep, and “maybe I’ll answer a few messages and check my voicemail, oh maybe I’ll check out this link, okay I need to reply to that invite she sent me…” You wouldn’t dare behave like this in your old job!But then again, working for yourself is nothing like your old job.

More Than You Can Chew?

Going solo is hard work, isn’t it?Working for yourself is turning out to be much more than just fulfilling the tasks you were hired for. You’ve got to oversee your own projects as well, from planning to completion, which is no small thing to do. Building and sustaining client relationships, while important to your business, is also no simple task.You also need to manage your own finances, including invoicing and tax-related issues. Marketing and self-promotion can take up a chunk of your week. You’re also finding you constantly need to showcase your services and skills to attract clients and stay competitive.With all these responsibilities on your shoulders, it's no wonder your motivation might occasionally slide! The sight of early morning emails from clients can make you want to run away. That pile of work on your desk can stay right where it is.On days when you feel like this, you might wonder what on earth possessed you to quit your job, for the madhouse you now live in. Sometimes, it can feel like you might’ve bitten off more than you’re able to chew.

The Endless Tumble

Not having anyone looking over your shoulder means the slide into the procrastination trap is always around the corner. It can mean that, some days, getting out of bed can be tough. Maintaining your enthusiasm, especially when clients are giving you a hard time, can be draining.
And when your motivation does start dwindling, your confidence will take a hit. Self-doubt will soon creep in, leading you to question your ability for success.Falling behind on work will wreck your concentration, with stress and anxiety building up behind the scenes. The quality of your work might also start to suffer.But don’t worry, it’s not all bleak!

Instant Relief

So, now you know what the procrastination trap looks like and how it starts, what can you do to get out of it?I’ve learned, over the years, that procrastination often occurs, when your goals are too vague and overwhelming. The brain responds best to little concrete steps, so breaking down your tasks will make your path to achieving each one a lot easier.To give you an example: a goal such as “transform client graphic design brief into a finished infographic” is very vague. It doesn’t give you any indication of what format the finished infographic should be or what steps you should take to get it done. Instead, take the goal and break it down into achievable tasks like this:

• Sketch out the client brief into 10 easy steps
• Brainstorm five infographic formats that suit the client brief the best
• Pull out all of the “how-to” copy contained in the brief, which can be used to explain the steps
• Do a rough sketch of where the steps should be placed in the infographic
• Create a template for the infographic
• Slot placeholder copy and graphics into the template

Do you see how useful it is to break down your goals? Each of these steps is now achievable, and the goal itself can be easily met.

Time To Breathe Again

Freelancing from home offers freedom, but it's not without its challenges. Procrastination will always loom large, and it’s easy to freeze in your tracks when your workload starts to overtake you. By using the strategy in this post, you’ll be able to keep going, and flick the roadblocks to one side with ease.

Never Struggle With Solo Living

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Should You Take Time Off When You’re Self-Employed?

Now you’re working for yourself, the idea of taking a break might not have crossed your mind. Should you take time off? And if yes, how do you do it, without it disrupting your income? Is it even possible? Let’s take a look at these issues.

The Solo Worker’s Dilemma

Recently, I met a freelance graphic designer at a business event who hadn't enjoyed a day off in 20 years. Yes, you heard it right, two decades without a break!While she did spend weekends with her family and friends, her weekdays were 100% dedicated to clients, many who had become her regular clientele.She was proud of this fact, boasting even, but I wasn’t so convinced. In my mind, there’s a difference between working insanely hard and just being insane.

Being self-employed isn’t just about completing projects, of course. You have to handle client acquisition yourself as well as marketing, financial management, and the quest for a steady stream of work. It's a demanding role.Unlike employees who receive regular paychecks, you have to rely on clients for income. This can lead many to believe they can't afford a break, fearing that clients may prefer someone available 24/7.

Dispelling The Myth

There's a widespread misconception in the world of self-employment that demands professionals be available around the clock. This is especially true if you’re a freelancer. You go from clocking in, in your employee days, to forgetting clocks even exist.Business owners often feel obliged to work non-stop, fearing they'll lose clientele if they don't. But should you really be working 24/7 when your clients clearly don't?

The Consequences Of No Time Off

What happens when you don’t take a break?Well, that graphic designer I mentioned joked about surviving on litres of espresso to get by daily. But turning into a caffeine zombie isn't the solution. Neglecting rest and overworking can have some serious impacts on your health.Mental health: Continuous work without breaks can lead to stress, anxiety, and burnout, which can make decision-making and business planning more difficult.Productivity: Working tirelessly can lead to decreasing returns. The quality of your work can suffer, and any missed deadlines as a result can harm your reputation.Physical health: Sitting for long periods without breaks can lead to weight gain, backaches, and breathing issues. Maintaining a positive work-life balance is necessary for your sanity.

You’re Not A Robot

If you're expected to be on call at all times and sacrifice your personal life, that’s not a healthy working relationship to begin with. Remember, just because you're working for yourself doesn’t mean you’re a machine.If your clients are going home at 5pm, why aren’t you as well? (Well, not literally, since you’re already at home!)It's important you set clear boundaries with your clients from Day One. It’s also important to make sure you’re working with the right types of clients, ones who respect your skills and time. Most good clients understand that solo workers have their personal lives.

Guilt-Free Time Off Tips

Despite the apprehensions solos might have about taking time off, there are situations when it's possible.Holidays like Christmas and summer months often see a decrease in work. Clients may be taking breaks during these times, giving solos the same opportunity to relax.You can use these moments to plan your breaks effectively. Here are some strategies:Plan ahead: Schedule your time off in advance, to ensure ongoing projects are completed or handed over. Proper planning reduces the impact on your clients and lets you enjoy your break without worry.Build a financial safety net: Save a portion of your income to cover expenses during your break, to give you some peace of mind.Set boundaries: Clearly communicate your working hours and availability to clients from the get go, and remind them when necessary.Automate and delegate: Use automation tools for routine tasks and delegate responsibilities when possible to keep your business running smoothly during your absence.Use slow months wisely: Identify slow times during your work year and plan your time off to coincide with these periods.Diversify: Consider diversifying your income sources such as digital products, affiliate marketing, and investments.Charge premium: Increase your rates to compensate for any downtime.Manage expectations: Letting your clients know about your breaks in advance not only helps them plan for what to do while you’re aware, but also demonstrates professionalism.

Plan Your Break

Taking breaks while self-employed isn't a luxury, it's a necessity to help you maintain your sanity and wellbeing. Neglecting this need can have effects on your health and job satisfaction. It's not a matter of whether freelancers should take breaks, but how they can do so effectively, and still achieve both personal and professional success.

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Night Owl Freelancing: Benefits And Drawbacks You Need To Know

Now you’re free of the daily grind, you can work however you prefer to get the job done, and that includes at night. What is it really like to work at night? How does embracing the night impact on both your sleep patterns and social life?As a night owl myself, I’m going to help you understand what it’s like, so you can decide if this avenue is right for you.

Venturing Beyond The 9-To-5

So, why would anyone choose to work at night? Well, thanks to modern technology, solo professionals now have more choice when it comes to roles and clients. And this includes clients in different time zones.For example, imagine a freelancer in Los Angeles collaborating with a client in Sydney. That’s a 19-hour time difference!By working during their night, the freelancer can sync up with the client's daytime in Sydney, ensuring real-time communication and smoother collaboration.Some freelance roles, such as writing gigs, allow for greater autonomy with minimal client interaction. A content creator who thrives in solitude can get the bulk of their work done at night, and turn up to occasional meetings during the day.Freelancers who work behind the scenes, but as part of a large team, may not need to interact with people much at all. A data analyst would be an example.Similarly, freelancers handling operations-style tasks like maintenance or project management often deal with ongoing, less time-sensitive tasks. These roles don’t hinge on specific daytime demands, giving them the freedom to work during quieter hours.

A Singular Oasis

The nighttime hours also benefit anyone who enjoys solitude, and gets a lot of value from the way it can recharge their batteries. Solitude is the main reason I choose to work at night.Aside from the occasional lone car speeding quietly by, or a distant dog barking, there’s not a single sound coming from the street, or from inside the apartment block. The lack of external noise creates an oasis of calmness, which can’t be beat.If you enjoy analytical work, planning, editing, or fiddling around with gears and cogs, the absence of daytime commotion can set your mind free.Different people have different productivity hours, as well, and for many creatives, the night might be their golden hour. Whether you’re a writer working on their next novel, or an illustrator toiling in ink and brush, the nighttime can act like a canvas, a magical time where ideas and inspiration can bloom.Some individuals are also just wired to thrive during the night. For these night owls, their bodies will feel more awake and alert, when the world rests. For professionals who live in a houseshare, waiting for everyone to hit the hay might be the only possibility available when it comes to work.

Which Work

Not all jobs, of course, are suitable for nighttime work, so bear that in mind.Customer service roles typically involve direct interaction with customers. While some companies offer 24/7 service, nighttime might see a reduced volume of inquiries. The same goes for industries such as retail, event management, and trade jobs, which largely depend on customer-facing roles.Unless you’re an online tutor, traditional teaching roles are out of the question, as well. Children typically adhere to daytime schedules for education, activities, and rest.While some medical professionals work night shifts, certain healthcare roles, especially those requiring intensive care, demand heightened attention and precision. Nighttime fatigue can affect performance, which in turn can impact patient care and safety.The jobs that are best suited to night work tend to be tech-oriented roles, that don’t require much supervision. Think content creation, freelance programming/software development, virtual assistance, online teaching/tutoring, and digital marketing.If you prefer not to work at home, there are plenty of options including bartending, highway construction, truck driving, office cleaning, and security.

The Price

While working at night does have benefits, you need to consider the consequences as well, namely to do with its impact on your sleeping patterns.Let’s face it: the majority of people in wherever you’re based are following our innate circadian rhythm, so are snug in bed.You, on the other hand, are going to disrupt your body's natural sleep-wake cycle! Doing this over time is going to affect your overall sleep quality and energy levels during your waking hours.Instead of sleeping at night, you’re going to have do it during the daytime, where the noise you escaped in the wee hours is turned up to THE MAX. Kids, dogs, car horns, loud voices, creaky floorboards; you name it, it’s gonna happen.Night work can increase the risk of developing sleep disorders such as insomnia or sleep deprivation, and even make you forgetful for a short time. Increased stress and anxiety levels, as well as shifts in your mood, can also arise, thanks to sleep disruption.And while you’re trying to get a good day’s sleep, your loved ones, in the meantime, might be wondering when they’re going to see you! Unless they’re night workers too, being a night owl doesn’t quite vibe with a typical social life. If your partner is a day person, your limited time together can lead to feelings of disconnection and fraught intimacy.Night work often leads to a disrupted eating schedule. Weird meal times, such as breakfast in the afternoon and dinner close to midnight, can confuse your metabolism and contribute to weight gain. Getting out of the house and into the sun is also essential for your health, especially during the winter months where the evenings start early.And if none of the above is a cause for concern, perhaps squinting at your computer screen might. Not only can prolonged exposure to screens in dimly lit environments lead to eye strain, you’ve got blue light to factor in too.Blue light from screens can disrupt melatonin, a hormone used to help regulate sleep. This disruption can delay the body's natural wind-down process, making it harder to fall asleep after work hours.

Plan Your Way To Victory

If the thought of working at night still excites you, then what can be done about all the negative impacts to your sleep and friendships?Well, like anything new, you have to plan for it. In your case, you need to sit down and literally redesign your lifestyle, so it works in your favour. Here are some tips.Sleep-friendly environment: Use blackout curtains, eye masks, earplugs, or white noise, to block out any daytime commotion. Create a more inviting sleep zone by investing in a comfortable mattress and cosy bedding.Consistent sleep schedule: Having a consistent schedule will make it easier to fall asleep and wake up feeling refreshed. Set a fixed bedtime and wake-up time, even on non-working days, to regulate your body's internal clock. Creating a bedtime routine, like winding down with a book or a calming tea, can signal the body that it's time to prepare for sleep.Relaxation rituals before bed: Start engaging in relaxing activities, such as meditation, reading, or taking a warm bath, to let the body know it's time to wind down. Avoid any stimulating activities or looking at screens at least two hours before bedtime.Protect your vision: To minimise exposure to blue light from screens, invest in a pair of blue light-blocking glasses or use a blue light filter. To reduce eye strain and dryness in your eyes, start using the 20-20-20 rule: every 20 minutes, look at something 20 feet away for 20 seconds.Synchronise diaries: Find slots during the week where you can see friends and loved ones by coordinating your diaries. Set up virtual coffee dates for those you can’t meet in-person, as well as scheduling regular phone calls.Make sure you spend time with those you love; work can wait and will always be there. The patience of partners and friends, however, can run out quite quickly, if you’re not making the effort.

Spread Your (Owl) Wings

So, now you know what it takes to become a night owl freelancer. Technology will become your trusted ally, in helping you bridge the gap between time zones while others are tucked up in bed. As with any adventure, the path of a night owl isn't devoid of hurdles. Striking a balance between thriving in solitude, maintaining a social life, and restful sleep will always be a challenge. But with a touch of foresight and planning, your new freelance journey will eventually come into its own.

Work Alone With Confidence

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Should You Ditch Working 9-To-5 (Now You Work For Yourself)?

Now you’re revelling in the freedom of being your own boss, what should you do about your work hours? Should you stick to the traditional 9-to-5 routine you’ve always known, or is this concept now antiquated, given the rules are your own now to define? Let's have a look.

A Life Of 9-To-5

The 9-to-5 schedule is deeply ingrained in modern work culture, of course. Its origins go right back to the Industrial Revolution and the rise of factories, that led to the development of a structure workday. Pre-Industrial Revolution, economies were often based on agriculture and crafts, with work hours loosely aligned around seasonal demands.Unfortunately, in those early days, factory workers had to work gruelling schedules, spanning 12 to 16 hours a day, six days a week. This led to a push for a more reasonable eight-hour workday.It wasn’t until the ‘Haymarket affair of 1886’, as it was called - an American labour demonstration that led to a bombing - that the eight-hour workday finally caught on with industry.We’ve become so accustomed to working 9-to-5, that going solo, the simplest way to decide your hours is to continue with what you know. Working 9-to-5 can give you continuity with your former job, familiarity and a sense of structure. You might’ve built your lifestyle around it, from taking lunch breaks at midday to going out after 5pm.If your clients keep the same 9-to-5 hours as well, then collaborations between you both are that much easier.

Questioning The Routine

Yet, there are plenty of reasons why you might not choose to work 9-to-5.
If your job doesn’t involve regular client contact, as in the case of writing jobs, then there’s no need to maintain the same hours as your clients. You might just submit your work according to deadlines, and turn up to occasional meetings. You might also choose to limit client interaction on purpose, in order to lessen your stress levels and workload. This in turn would also influence your work hours.If your clients operate in different time zones, this can greatly impact your schedule. You might decide to change your hours to match theirs, or work during the hours when they’re asleep. You might discover you're more productive as a night owl or that starting work later in the day suits your productivity better.

9am Now Too Early?

So, how do you decide your ideal work hours?In my view, it’s down to personal preference. For instance, I, myself, don’t work 9-to-5, mainly because I’m just not a morning person. Never have been.Back when I used to work in events production, I’d start my commute at 7.30am, and arrive at the staff cafeteria for 8.30, in time for a quick caffeine breakfast. I never felt awake until 10am. So when I left the daily grind, I chose to start my work day at 11am (until 7pm). I still have my caffeine breakfast, but don’t have to knock it back like vodka shots anymore (just across the day instead).I always make my hours blatantly clear to all my clients (no matter which time zone they’re in). These are communicated in my contracts, client meetings, and even in my email signature. If a client forgets, I make sure to remind them.

Reset The Clock

If you find yourself wavering on the 9-to-5 idea, here are some things to keep in mind.Firstly, assess when your clients are available. Keeping your hours in sync with theirs, especially for local clients or those in different time zones, can affect your chosen work hours.Secondly, think about the level of client interaction your job requires. Writing, design, and editing roles might not require fixed hours compared more client-intensive work such as sales or customer service.You might also prefer less client interaction. If you go down this road, you need to establish clear boundaries regarding your availability. Let people also know your preferred methods of contact (such as video call, phone, texting) during those hours.Ultimately, whatever hours you decide, you need to communicate your work hours explicitly. This information needs to be clear in every facet of your business, from your website and email signature to your contract. This transparency is vital, otherwise, clients might assume a traditional 9-to-5 schedule, leading to misaligned expectations.

When Will You Work?

Now you’re your own boss, the idea of a 9-to-5 workday is certainly an area to think about. Should you keep to what you’ve known from your previous jobs or change things up to suit your new lifestyle? Should you craft a schedule that maximises your productivity or suits your client needs? The clock suddenly becomes your canvas. Decide how to use it well.

Time To Feel Good Solo

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How To Find Total Peace And Quiet (When Working At Home)

Let’s face it: the tranquility and lack of distraction we thought would come from working from home hasn’t quite happened, has it? Who knew we’d have to contend with everything from street noise and dogs barking to chatting neighbours, just to get any work done. All it takes is one tiny disturbance to interrupt our concentration and put us on edge.I know these experiences well. In this article, I want to help you find the quietness you need to help you reclaim your flow and sanity.

The Hidden Daytime

Working from home is often seen as the best solution when it comes to productivity, compared to traditional work anyway. Gone are the days of colleagues dropping by your desk for a quick chat, or the low hum of office machines. You can ease into your concentration so effortlessly now, free of disruption.The problem for most WFHers, though, is that a lot of the sounds we start to pick up on during the day are sounds we wouldn’t have been aware of before - because we were working somewhere else during the day. Back when we worked for ‘the man,’ none of us were at home to pick up on the creaks and squeaks of daytime living. It’s not until we’re at our home office desk do we realise the chaos spinning around us.Take the lives of your neighbours, as one such example. If you live in an apartment building, you’ll learn soon enough who goes to work in the mornings, and who doesn’t; who has kids, and whose at home all day. Anything from televisions blaring to snippets of laughter and phone conversations will start to seep into your workspace, whether you like it or not.If you live in a house, you might find yourself distracted by revving engines, as cars pull in and out of the driveway. Commuter traffic rushing by can also be disruptive.There are also specific times during the day where there will be “fixed” noise, such as trash trucks on certain weekdays or children coming home from school. When it comes to school holidays, you’ll soon get to know which family of kids likes playing outside in the street, a lot.

Risk To Rest

Being surrounded by noise isn’t only about interruptions to your flow. Ambient noise can overload your brain with too much stimuli and information, making it difficult for you to feel rested and calm.For example, say you’re on a video call with a client, but the sound of construction work in a nearby area is making it hard to hear them properly. The constant noise is not only distracting, but it can heighten your anxiety around making the wrong impression about your business.Perhaps you’re trying to draft a piece of copywriting for a client. Hearing the continuous murmur of a neighbour’s conversation can affect your flow, and force you to refocus, which can drain you after a few times.If you’re trying to get some reading done, the sound of ceiling thudding, as the upstairs kids run about, is not going to do you any favours. The thought of dealing with noisy neighbours is a stress all of its own, whether you take action on it or not.

Painful Opposite Of Noise

If noise is one problem for solo pros, then it might surprise you to learn that silence can be problematic, as well. For some solos, the quietness that comes from working from home can feel unsettling, even weird.The truth is, not everyone is comfortable being in solitude. Solitude, when used well and purposefully, can actually be an antidote for stress, a relaxant that helps us stay centred as well as detached from external noise. But if you’re not used to being in your own company in this specific way, it can have the opposite effect on your well-being, namely a negative one.Silence, in its purest form, can sometimes encourage a kind of introspection that isn’t always wanted. The absence of familiar sounds can cause your mind to wander, filling it with nagging thoughts or worries. This inner chitchat can even stir up self-doubt which can affect your work and self-esteem.

Discomfort Of Substitutes

If working from home doesn’t feel right for you, then visiting communal spaces can be an option too. These environments might be just the thing for that office buzz you’re missing. Bear in mind, that whether you’re using a co-working space, library or coffee shop, their very nature means disruptions will be everywhere.You won’t be able to escape the flow of foot traffic and conversation in these places. In co-working spaces, even if you find a quiet corner or book a private booth, these can’t provide you with the exact quietness you’re seeking.Meeting rooms are not soundproof, for one, which means you’ll hear what’s going on in them, no matter how far away you sit. Booths have to be booked, which means they’re not relaxing to use, as you’ll be there for a limited time.

Finding Bliss

So, if you’re in desperate need for quietness, what can you do to get it? There are two sets of solutions I’d like to recommend, based not just on personal experience but from talking with other solo pros over the years.

#1. Going with the flow of the day

Choosing the right tasks to focus on during particular times of the day can make a difference to your overall mood. Now that you work for yourself, you have the flexibility beyond the normal 9-to-5 to construct a schedule that works well for you.To create this schedule involves not just paying attention to when you’re most productive, but also to the daily pattern of neighbourly dramas.

• Matching hours

For example, if you know your neighbours will be around during the daytime, then why not get up earlier, and work while everyone else is still asleep?You might choose to work from 7am through to midday, then take a break before resuming in the evenings for a couple of hours. The way, your neighbours can gossip and the local kids can run home from school, and your sanity will still be intact.If it suits you, you might also choose to work in the evenings or become a night owl. While working at night doesn’t suit sales roles or tutoring, it can be excellent for creative work, as well for asynchronous jobs where client contact isn’t always required.

• Matching boredom

Productive work, of course, shares space on our to-do lists with the stuff we hate doing, aka admin or data entry. Instead of fighting against noise, why not use it in conjunction with these boring tasks? The neighbourly noise can help keep you engaged, and before you know it, you’ll find yourself ticking off these tasks without feeling worn down by their monotony.

#2. Fight noise with noise

If you’re struggling to find any peace, then headphones are your best ally.
The key to successful headphone use is not about blocking out noise, by drowning it with music turned up to the max. No, the goal is to use sound to seal off the outside world. The types of sound you choose will make all the difference.

• Make friends with static

One of my personal favourites for productivity is from listening to white noise. I love white noise so much, that I listen to it whenever I’m commuting on buses and trains and also while sleeping in hostels.While white noise might sound like radio static to some, it’s actually a range of frequencies that create a consistent, relaxing sound. White noise will immediately blanket you from everything including proximity chatter to street noise and beyond.

• Soothing soundscapes

If static doesn’t sound convincing to you, but soothing vibes do, then you should think about listening to nature sounds. Whether it’s rainfall, flowing rivers, or bird songs, nature sounds can reduce stress levels and create a comforting backdrop that’s perfect for concentration.Classical music is another option, one that’s perfect for tasks that require deep thinking, creativity, and other complex work. If Mozart isn’t your thing, there’s plenty of instrumental music you can explore, including film scores, electronic sounds, and acoustic tracks.Make sure to test out types of instrumentals to find the right mood to suit your work. The intensity of a film score to driving electro beats can motivate or hinder the task at hand, so be warned.

• Productive beats

If you’re looking for a more consistent kick to your sounds, one area that might surprise you is pop songs. Pop music is generally upbeat, which can make mundane tasks feel more enjoyable. Although pop songs include lyrics, after a while your brain will tune them out and hone in on the rhythm. Heck, if work is going well, you might have a mini disco in your ears!For repetitive tasks, I’d recommend trying out instrumental versions of pop songs. You’ll find plenty of these on YouTube, with playlists running to three hours long or more. Mood Melodies and Habana Music are a couple of examples.

Sllence To Come

The struggle to get any quiet while working from home can feel like an draining battle sometimes. Whilst everything from street noise to neighbours can seem minor at first, over time their continued presence can take a toll. But rather than fight against the noise, working with it, alongside other types of sound, might give you the bliss you’re looking for. This might feel ironic, but once applied can actually give you all the harmony and focus you’ve been looking for.

Time To Own Solo

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Maximise Your Stay: 10 Mistakes To Avoid When Booking Hostels

In the world of solo travel, hostels are often the go-to choice for backpackers, thanks to their low costs and informal charms. Yet, booking the perfect hostel has evolved into an art form.In this post, I roll back the 10 pitfalls to steer clear of, when booking hostels. Understanding these mistakes will provide you with the knowledge you need to secure the ideal bed for the night.

It’s More Than Securing A Bed

Often when we’re booking a dorm room, we’re doing it sight unseen, well before arriving at their destination. And what info do we have to help us make the right decision?Normally we have nothing more an online description, a handful of photos, and a sprinkle of customer reviews.This is assuming the online description is written accurately (most aren’t), covering all the costs and amenities on offer. It also assumes the hostel owner is a good photographer, and that previous guests bothered to leave a review after their stay.

After you’ve gotten a receipt for your booking, how can you be sure you've picked the right place? It's a gamble many solo travellers face.If you’ve lost money from a hostel booking, endured a curfew that wasn’t advertised in advance, or put up with revellers at a supposedly non-party hotel, then you know what I’m talking about!Hostels are not created equally, and not every hostel owner cares about the traveller’s well-being. To them, it’s just business. Bodies for beds, so to speak.

Find Your Home Away From Home

Without further ado, let’s get into the pitfalls to avoid, so you can book somewhere that fits your needs.

1. Sacrificing location to save money: While booking a hostel away from the city centre might save you a few bucks, in the long run it can lead to expenses and headaches.Think about all those late-night rides back to your faraway bed - the tram, bus, or taxis costs along with long wait times that can dampen your spirits. If you’re waiting for a bus after a late night show or coming home during an unexpected storm, your mood could potentially wreck the rest of your stay.Staying central not only saves you on expenses, but also gives you easier access to tourist spots. It will give you more time to explore with less of the hassle.

2. Sacrificing quality to save money: It's tempting to overlook necessities such as Wi-Fi quality, clean rooms, or security in favour of a cheaper bed. But these small sacrifices will soon eat at your mind.If you’re security-conscious, for example, then not having an entry keycard or locker in your room will plague your trip. Travelling solo is stressful enough, without self-created worries piled on top.

3. Knowing the hostel vibes: Knowing the difference between a party hostel and a non-party hostel really is crucial. Choosing the wrong type can ruin your sleep.I once stayed in a 500-bed Berlin hostel over the Christmas period, due to a shortage of available beds in the city. It turned out to be 24/7 drink/karaoke/loud party zone! Goodbye sleep.

4. Prioritising your sleep: Talking of sleep, your travel well-being will always hinge on a good night's sleep. Sacrificing the quality of your dorm room for savings might seem logical at first, but it will backfire, thanks to the exhaustion you’ll have in the morning after.Believe me, sleeping in crowded dormitories or in hostels right next to a busy highway are not pleasant experiences. Even a hangover deserves a night (or day) of deep, uninterrupted sleep afterwards!

5. Never ignore reviews: If somewhere looks too good to be true, it usually is.Reviews by previous guests can give you insights into a hostel's reality beyond its marketing, such the quality of the facilities, attitude of the staff, and unexpected rules that can affect your stay. They can help you make better decisions, especially if you’re booking overseas.

6. Valuing reception: In a new city, having the support of a 24/7 reception can be a game-changer.Have you ever arrived late somewhere, or had to deal with an unexpected situation - all without any assistance from the hostel front desk? Yeah, it’s not a great way to start your visit.A front desk can also help you plan your trip, such as sightseeing tips, best places to eat and drink, and advice about the local area. Make sure there are speakers of your language at these receptions too. Nothing is worst than dealing with a language barrier when you need some urgent help.

7. Booking beds in peak seasons: Yeah, good luck with that!Trying to score a bed at a popular hostel during peak seasons is like playing a game of chance. One you will lose every time! Even if you do manage to find a bed, expect to pay double or triple the usual prices.If you do want to stay in a well-known hostel, make sure to book at least two to three months ahead of time.

8. Using a portal: If you’ve found the ideal bed using a portal website such as Booking.com, never book it via that site. Why? Because you’ll be charged extra fees on top of your room booking. Instead, give the hostel a ring and make your booking over the phone.Not only does this approach mean you pay the genuine price for your room, it also establishes personal contact. You can also ask about specific preferences or additional services whilst on the line.

9. Overlooking location details: Sometimes, hostel descriptions might generalise their location as "central," when it’s far from the truth. While a hostel might look central on a map, at the same time they can also be far removed from major train stations or attractions.Use Google maps and reviews to help clarify that your hostel is in the right area for what you need.

10. Sacrificing hostel amenities: Hostels sometimes offer facilities that can elevate your stay beyond the basics, such as laundry, bike rentals, or guided tours. Ignoring these might mean missing out on opportunities to make your stay more comfortable.

A New Bed Is Waiting

When it comes to solo travel, booking hostels sight unseen can be a game of chance. Understanding the pitfalls can set your mind (and wallet) at ease. Steering clear of these missteps isn't just a lesson in saving money; it's a guide to feeling confident in your choices. It's about building your street smarts and knowledge as a solo traveller.

Time To Feel Great Solo

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How To Recover From Solo Travel Overwhelm (Lessons From New York)

Travelling solo can be quite a thrill, let’s face it. The freedom to live on your own terms is a pleasure that can’t be beat. But like with any pleasure, there’s a price to be paid too, namely, overwhelm. When the search for thrills can lead to ill, how can you set things right, before it ruins your entire trip?In this article, I want to share an experience I had in New York, and an unexpected cure that stopped the problem in its tracks. A cure that a lot of travellers don’t think about and tend to avoid doing at home as well.

Seeking Thrills

So there I was, one Saturday evening, in the West Village area of New York City, back in 2017. I was so excited to be there, and couldn’t wait to dive into the bar scene, check out the nightlife, and maybe strike up a conversation or two with New Yorkers.

Being from London, New York was like a whole new world to me, entertainment-wise. Whereas everything in London was mostly owned by chains, New York still had a mix of independent places. Don’t want a Starbucks coffee? Check out the "mom and pop" café across the street. Don’t want to Wok N Go? Head over to Manhattan Chinatown.But as the hours passed, I found myself struggling to enjoy the evening. As I wandered from bar to bar, I couldn’t connect with anyone around me. Previous nights that same week had been filled with lively interactions and chats with strangers. But that night was different.Instead, the bars had an air of exclusivity about them, as if reserved for New Yorkers only. I felt an invisible barrier, of being excluded from the atmosphere I’d hoped to be part of.

At The Centre Of Excitement

You could argue, that being in New York was setting myself up for failure. It being a major city meant alienation was only natural, right? The people there were just living their lives, who was I to expect them to drop everything for a foreigner? How dare I hope for that? (cue sarcasm).As a veteran traveller, I’ve always enjoyed visiting large cities. In fact, as a culture junkie, I make a beeline for them, due to the number of things you can to do and see. I always try to stay as close to the city centre whenever possible, too. Being able to walk home after a late night out just feels better, than waiting for a bus or having to grab a taxi.

On this particular trip, I was staying near Cobble Hill in west Brooklyn, with Clark Street as the nearest metro station. This was a strategic choice; I could be in Manhattan in less than 20 minutes and also enjoy the bustle of Brooklyn life as well.

Feeling Defeated

So there I was, in the West Village, struggling to have a good time. It was becoming clearer by the second, that my best bet was to head back to where I was renting.I was staying in the home of a jazz pianist from Tokyo, as an Airbnb. And whilst there wasn’t anything inherently wrong with retreating homewards, or being in his home, it felt like a letdown compared to enjoying a night out in New York. After all, I hadn’t come halfway round the world just to sit at home.

As I boarded the metro bound for Brooklyn, I felt a sense of defeat, compounded by the fact I’d be home alone as well (my flatmate at work until late). I felt a wave of tiredness wash over me as I locked the front door behind me, crumpling into a useless heap on the sofa.

A Night Unplanned

Have you ever come home from something and felt so utterly useless, that you just wander about with nothing in mind?When you’re feeling disconnected from yourself, everything you do can feel lifeless, as if taking place in a void.I went from being on the sofa, to taking a shower, to stirring noodles at the stove, without much thought. I decided to watch a movie next, but in hindsight, choosing Suicide Squad from DC Comics was perhaps not the ideal pick, a chaotic mess of loud music and disjointed scenes.After 20 minutes of bewilderment, I shut it off, and took a nap, which lasted another 20 minutes.I was soon back on my feet, this time for a cup of cocoa, before lifting the back window open and gazing out into the evening sun. As I sipped away, and scoffed down one too many biscuits, I had a sudden realisation: where had all my West Village frustration gone? I didn’t feel frustrated anymore!

In fact, I felt quite rested. Eh? How? I hadn’t done anything in particular to warrant this restful state.What was going on?

It’s Not Boredom

As solo travellers, we’re always looking for the next best thing. We want to make the best of our location, and not waste a single second. We want our memories to be filled with experiences to enjoy in hindsight.But to have these thrills, or even recognise they’re thrills at all, requires a balance.And funnily enough, it turns out it’s the most boring and mundane things we do that provide that balance. They’re the things we normally hate doing, when we’re back home from trips, for example:

• Going to the supermarket
• Doing the laundry
• Watching pointless TV shows
• Reading about where to go next
• Cleaning our room

We don’t want to veg out thousands of miles away overseas, it seems wrong somehow. And yet we must.

Tipping The Scales

Doing mundane things is like a form of self-care. In a previous post, I’d described self-care as self-rejuvenation to counteract the vagueness of the term “self-care”. I’d stated:

“The truth is, neglecting your own needs can leave you feeling drained, physically and mentally. In this era of constant hustle, it's important to recognise when you need to hit pause, recharge, and refocus.”

That constant hustle is even more pronounced when you’re travelling alone. There’s no one to shoulder our burdens. We’re on the hustle all the time, from planning trips to living out the trip, and we do it all alone. There’s no one to tell us to stop.We’re on the go literally every day. We think that the act of travelling solo, rather than in a group, is self-care enough.That night in Cobble Hill, I realised my series of doing nothing had actually put me back together. That mooching around was healing me. So much so, that I decided to take a walk around the block, with no particular destination in mind. From glancing at shopfronts to walking passed late night drinkers, I just breathed in my surroundings.It was blissful.

Put To Use

As solo travellers, it’s important we stop every now and then. We can’t be on the go forever. If you’re struggling to get some downtime, consider adding these four ways of “intentional boredom” to your trip.

Lie-in’s are allowed: Start getting out of the habit of getting up early to make the most of your location, by staying longer in bed. Sleeping in can be restorative. Even enjoying your duvet some more is worth it.Be mindless: Make the most of going to the shops, being at a laundrette, or cooking at home. Doing your chores is not only necessary, but gives you a break from thinking all the time. If you don’t love doing chores, then think of the payoffs you’ll gain, such as clean clothes and a happy stomach.Useful boredom: Reflecting on your trip so far can be a productive use of time. You can do this by looking through your photos or reading your travel journal. It’s a nice way to process your adventures, and remind yourself of all your experiences to date.Just chilling: Finally, don't underestimate just vegging out at home. Whether you’re crashing in front of a movie, taking a short nap or reading a book, these activities can provide a low-energy alternative to the constant activity of travel.

Time To Feel Better

Understanding how to balance the thrills against personal needs is important for maintaining a solo trip. Solo travel is about more than just checking off experiences. It requires that we can recognise our limits and embrace the less than thrilling stuff. So, the next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, take a step back and appreciate the quieter moments, however mundane they appear.

Feel Calm Solo

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What Is Travelling With A Rucksack Truly Like?

What is living out of a rucksack really like, both in the short and long term? The freedom to carry your life on your back and move effortlessly from one location to another seems fantastic, right? But is living out of a rucksack as great as it sounds?In this post, I will dive into the realities of living out of a rucksack when you're solo, exploring both the pros and cons of this lifestyle.

The Classic Image

Let’s face it, independent travel done with a rucksack go hand in hand, one can’t be separated from the other! A rucksack alone embodies the spirit of adventure and the freedom to move wherever you wish without being tied down.A rucksack can feel like an extension of the traveller, a more personal form of baggage than a suitcase. I’ve had many rucksacks over the years and crazy as it sounds, but sometimes I look upon them as a companion, an eyewitness for the travels I undertake.Rucksacks can bring about a deeper connection between the traveller and their belongings.

Two Types Of Rucksack

While living out of a rucksack offers a sense of liberation, it comes with its fair share of downsides. First of all, which type of rucksack you have, whether it’s a toploader or frontloader, can cause certain problems.

Toploader

If you’re not familiar with these terms, a toploader is accessed through a drawstring opening at the top, making it resemble a sack. Other than side pockets, it tends to have only one compartment, which can make it difficult to fish out random items with ease. It also means your clothes can end up scrunched at the bottom of the bag.A toploader is the most common type of rucksack, one that’s most associated with backpacking as well as hiking.

Frontloader

Frontloaders, on the other hand, are like a suitcase, where a zipped panel gives you full access to the main compartment. Frontloaders are designed for urban travel, rather than hiking, as their rectangular shape can be quite cumbersome.Airlines typically prefer frontloaders, though, due to their suitcase-like design, which makes them easier to handle during baggage checks. Toploaders often have loose straps that can get caught in machinery or other luggage if not careful.

Which Rucksack?

Which type of rucksack is better for you is totally an individual choice. They both have their benefits and drawbacks.After a decade of various toploaders, I’ve been using a frontloader by a company called Tortuga. This rucksack has separate compartments for clothing and a laptop as well as YKK zips (perfect for use with travel locks). This means I can separate clothes using packing cubes, keeping everything neat and tidy inside the case.Unlike a toploader, there are no loose straps. If I need to take it on a plane, I can zip up the shoulder straps and transform it into a carry-on case.

The Daily Reality

Whether you’re using a toploader or frontloader, the challenges tend to be the same. There will come a time, for instance, when you’ll get sick of seeing the same limited set of clothes, day in and day out, and long to wear something completely different.

And don’t always assume you’ll be carrying around a clean set of clothes either! Finding a laundromat isn’t always straightforward, which can mean having to lug around dirty clothes for extended periods.Carrying a rucksack for long periods can also take a toll on your physical well-being, leading to neck, shoulder, and waist ache. Keeping your baggage as light as possible is a double-edged sword, as it can limit what souvenirs you take with you, a limitation also set by the size of your rucksack.And no matter how much we love our “companion,” there are times where we long for the convenience of wheeled luggage, especially during moments of travel fatigue.

Lighten Up, Literally

How can you overcome these problems when living out of rucksack?Here are my tips based on more than a decade of travelling solo.Embrace minimalism: Make sure to only pack the essentials, as carrying a lighter bag will make your journey more comfortable.Remember, less is often more when travelling. Your rucksack’s limitations are there for a reason.Clothes: Always opt for versatile and functional clothing and limit the number of items to one pair of trousers, one pair of shorts, a couple of t-shirts, and ample underwear. You can layer up on clothing as needed and buy new items at your destination.Never take a jumper with you! Instead, invest in some lightweight thermal underwear. This can provide you with all the warmth you need under your clothes.Essential items: Unless you're going to a desert, you can always buy hygiene products, instead of carrying any with you from home. Make sure you’ve got the right plug adapters with you, and try and make everything else paperless, for example, use an e-book reader instead of paperback books, to lighten the weight.If you take medication, make sure you’ve got ample supply with you, as this might prove challenging to find once you’re on location.The right rucksack: To reduce the pressure on your neck and arms, make sure you pick the right rucksack. Go to a camping store for advice and test out rucksacks before you buy anything.Never choose a rucksack based on a friend’s advice. We all have different body sizes, so you should always get a rucksack that feels comfortable to use and suits your specific build.Dump the chic: travelling solo is an unglamorous lifestyle, and that's the whole point of living this way.So ditch the glamorous clothes and trendy labels and stick to t-shirts and simple clothing. Clothes will break over time, thanks to everyday use, so the less precious you feel about them, the better.And lastly, don’t forget to buy travel insurance.

Travel Well

Living out of a rucksack definitely has its ups and downs. The physical strain can take its toll after a while, as can the monotony of what you wear. But with proper planning and strategic packing, living this way can be rewarding. Adapt to the challenges and dive into a life of exploration, one step at a time.

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Arrived Without A Reservation? Learn How To Secure Last-Minute Accommodation

What should you do when you arrive somewhere new, but can’t find anywhere to stay? Not having anywhere to stay can be a nightmare, especially if you’ve arrived in a place that’s unfamiliar or when language barriers are involved.In this post, I’ll help you tackle these problems as well as share my own experience of last-minute accommodation woes.

The Unexpected

Despite all the best-made plans in the world, as a traveller, things can change at the very last minute. Being without a bed can happen at any time.For example, you might decide to take a detour from your plans to check out somewhere based on a recommendation, like a new town or event you’ve heard about. Being forced to take an unexpected stopover due to airline problems or bad weather can also happen.Even if you’ve planned your trip in advance, you might end up having to leave your hotel or hostel due to unforeseen problems. These can include poor conditions, feeling unease with the owner, or feeling unsure about the neighbourhood.

You might also choose to fly somewhere, knowing full well that the hotels will be sold out. This happened to me during a trip to Marrakech. I’d decided to travel there one spring, despite knowing there would be a religious festival taking place at the exact time. I decided to chance it, thinking I’d be okay, and booked my trip anyway.But when I arrived, I discovered the festival was much larger in scale than my research had suggested; the airport was overwhelmed by religious devotees from all over the country. And to make matters worse, there was also a nationwide taxi strike once I arrived at the airport! I did manage to fix my problem, which I’ll share later, but it was a nightmare when I arrived.

The Sensible Option

Having a hostel or hotel booked ahead of time is the most stress-free way to travel. Doing so can help you in a number of ways:

• You feel safe and secure knowing you have somewhere to sleep, especially if you have jet lag from your trip
• You have somewhere safe to store your luggage
• You can just start your trip without hassles
• If you’re tired from travelling, you can take a nap

Being without lodgings can remove this sense of safety. Your stress levels can spike as well, if you’ve arrived somewhere new and don’t speak the language so well (or at all).Haggling with hotel owners and dealing with objections can easily test your patience levels, when you’re forced to hunt for a bed. You might have to book somewhere you can’t afford, which affects your budget. You might also potentially have to take accommodation that’s of a lower quality than you’re used to, such as communal showers or lack of air con.Scrambling to find a place to stay can also eat up valuable time you could be spending on exploring your destination. The stress can take away from the enjoyment of your trip, if you’re not careful.

Calm In The Chaos

Being forced to find a last-minute place to stay is something solos need to be mindful of ahead of time. Here are three activities you can do to help ease the stress of last-minute bookings:Stay connected: Having a reliable internet connection is a lifeline. Use travel apps to find available accommodations nearby and read reviews from other travellers.Ask locals for recommendations: Locals often know the best-kept secrets and might be able to suggest a budget-friendly place to stay.Be flexible: Sometimes, being open to trying new things can lead to unexpected and exciting experiences. Consider alternative accommodation options like homestays, hostels or guesthouses.That last one is how I solved my problem in Marrakech.After going door-to-door with every hotel I could find - five in all - and being turned down by every single one, I finally landed on a place that allowed people to sleep - on the roof! An unconventional offer, for sure, and I took it. I was given a wool blanket when bedtime came, and I had a stunning view across the entire city square, Djema el-Fna, as well as being under the stars.
In the morning, at checkout, I learned a room had become available, so I booked it immediately.

When All Else Fails

Lastly, if all else fails and you can’t find anywhere to stay, consider moving to another town or location. This might cause you even more stress, but making this decision also keeps you in control of the situation, which can bring you relief in the process.Remember, travel is an adventure, and sometimes the unexpected can lead to the most memorable experiences.

Stand Ready

Struggling to find a last-minute place to stay is an obstacle travellers can face. You can turn this situation into an opportunity, though, with a combination of preparation, resourcefulness, and an open mind. Next time you find yourself without a place to rest your head, embrace the moment as best you can, and let it guide you. Happy travels!

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Struggling With Language Barriers While Travelling Solo? Here’s How To Cope

Travelling solo can be a thrilling time, and it’s even more exciting if you can speak the language of the places you visit. But what if you can’t? What if the language isn’t familiar to you?Not being able to communicate can put a damper on your trip, leading to misunderstandings, confusion, and frustration. In this post, I’ll explore the challenges of language barriers and share some practical tips to help you overcome them with ease.

Unintended Battles

Language barriers are inevitable when you’re travelling. Even all the best preparation in the world - such as taking a language class, packing a travel phrasebook or memorising a few key phrases - will be put to the test as soon as you land.When you don’t speak the language, it can be harder to form meaningful connections or fully appreciate local customs. There’s also the risk of offending someone or vice versa, which can lead to awkward moments.

One time, after a long bus journey to the Turkish city of Trabzon, on the border with Georgia, I arrived so exhausted, that a wave of loneliness hit me out of nowhere. As I stood there, trying to make sense of things, a group of local Turkish guys noticed I wasn’t myself and approached, to ask what was wrong. Thanks to only knowing basic Turkish, the situation soon devolved into them laughing me at me instead, which left me feeling even more isolated than before.Then there was an incident in a Warsaw restaurant in 2018, when I’d noticed the waitress had added a few items to the bill that I hadn’t ordered. (This is a common scam in Poland, by the way). Not knowing the right words, I couldn’t question the bill properly, and before I knew it, the manager was threatening to call the police!Feeling cornered, I ended up paying the bill, leaving me short on cash for the rest of the evening.

Daily Complicated

Simple tasks that you might take for granted at home, such as asking for directions, buying groceries, or casual chats with strangers, are more challenging when you don’t share a common tongue. Ordering a taxi or using public transport can stress you out when you can’t clearly communicate when you’re headed or understand instructions.Even something like buying lunch can feel like a game of chance when the menu is in a language you don’t know. You might end up with a surprise dish - or worse, accidentally order something you’re allergic to.

In an emergency, not being able to explain what’s wrong can leave you feeling vulnerable and anxious. And even everyday interactions with hostel staff, like requesting room preferences or asking about amenities, can be a frustrating experience.

The Ripple Effect

Struggling to communicate can lead to feelings of frustration, self-doubt, and isolation. Over time, these experiences can affect your confidence, making you more reluctant to try new experiences.You might start adjusting your travel itinerary, sticking to more tourist-friendly areas where your native language is spoken, which could limit your exploration. You might not even go out at all, and just hide in your room. Not being able to engage with locals can lead to you to miss out on unique experiences.You might even worry about being taken advantage of. Worst still, you might start to feel more vulnerable. even paranoid, about anywhere you stay or visit.

Getting Back In Control

But don’t worry, language barriers aren’t insurmountable! With a bit of prep and the right mindset, you can enjoy your travels to the fullest. Here are some tips to help you along the way:Get basic: Even if you’re not fluent, learning a few key phrases and greetings in the local language can go a long way. It shows respect and effort, which is often appreciated by locals.Get visual: Carry a small picture dictionary or a visual guide with common items and phrases. Pointing to a picture can quickly help close the communication gap.Get researched: Before your trip, spend some time learning about local customs and cultural practices. This info will give you more confidence as you explore new environments.Get non-verbal: Don’t underestimate the power of hand gestures, facial expressions, and body language. Even if you feel a bit silly doing it, it’s okay; approaching situations with a smile can make all the difference and help build connections.Get bodily: Pay attention to the body language of those around you. Taking notice of facial expressions, hand movements, and posture can help you better understand what’s being communicated.Get hands-on: Get involved in cultural activities such as cooking classes, workshops, or guided tours before you leave home. Having some familiarity with your future culture can help you connect more deeply with the locals.Get local: Join tours run by bilingual guides. They can offer insights into the culture that you might not discover on your own.

Embrace The Difference

In the end, dealing with language barriers is just part of the solo travel experience. By acknowledging this challenge and preparing for it, you’ll feel more confident in unfamiliar places. And remember, don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Many people are kind and willing to help, and together you’ll find ways to overcome these obstacles. Along the way, you’ll create memories and connections that make the journey all the more rewarding.

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Is It Weird To Go To A Bar Alone?

If you think going to a bar on your own is weird, don't worry, you're not alone. Bars tend to be social places, so among the groups of drinkers, a lone drinker can feel like an oddity. And yet, if you're someone who enjoys a good beer but doesn't want to drink at home, going to a bar or pub is the natural alternative.How can you overcome the anxiety of going to a bar alone and having a good time?In this post, I’ll debunk some myths about bars and help you discover the hidden joys of enjoying a drink in your own company.

Misconceptions Around Solo Drinking

Enjoying a good cold beer after a busy week can be an enticing thought to many. As Plato once said,

"He was a wise man who invented beer."

Unfortunately, there's still a general perception that if you're drinking solo, there must be something wrong with you.Men, particularly those in their 40s and 50s, are perceived wrongly as creepy and lonely, if they're drinking alone. Women of the same age are often judged as lonely or on the lookout for companionship. These judgments are wrong and unfounded, mainly because, like dining out alone, the sole purpose of a bar or pub is not that of a social space.

The True Nature Of Bars

The misconception of bars or pubs being primarily social outlets is just that – a misconception. People go to bars to enjoy high-end drinks without breaking the bank, and bars exist to satisfy such thirst. Not everyone likes to drink at home, or even have alcohol at home. Some may only be infrequent drinkers.If you enjoy craft beer, whiskey, and cocktails, the easiest place to enjoy them is at a bar.Not all drinking situations are about getting drunk. There are many good reasons to go to a bar alone:Exploring new brews: Trying different or new beers on tap that you cannot get from an off-licence or the supermarket.Outdoor bliss: If you don't have a garden of your own, or access to one, then sitting in a beer garden can be a boon.Work oasis: Most bars and pubs these days offer Wi-Fi. which means you’ll have another place to work, if you work from home. While working in a bar, you'll find people interested in what you do, potentially leading to valuable business connections.Reading with drinks: Going to a bar alone with a book is an act of leisure. I’ve done this a few times, and I’m never met with judgment but rather respect. People might even strike up conversations with you about your book. The freedom to indulge in a good book while having a drink is an opportunity to be cherished.

The Social Aspect Of Solo Drinking

There is also a perception that if you are in a bar alone, no one will talk to you unless you're in a group. But I’ve found that's not true. Going to a bar alone can actually make you more approachable.You are more likely to meet new people when you're by yourself, and if you're skilled in the art of small talk, this can work to your advantage. Even if you're not, you may find other patrons initiating conversations with you, especially as the evening progresses and people start to relax.

The Right Haunt

The type of watering hole you choose plays a significant role in the enjoyment of solo drinks. Bars and pubs are not the same thing and cater to different crowds.Bars often focus on the drinks themselves and cater to urban, high-energy professionals. There's an expectation that patrons will consume a large quantity of drinks while on the premises.On the other hand, pubs offer a different, more relaxed experience. Pubs often cater to working-class crowds and are often found in suburban areas or small towns.In places like the UK and Germany, pubs treated like a home away from home. Everyone knows their place in a pub, where you can socialise with other drinks or opt out of that, without anyone minding. You never know who you might meet or what interesting conversations might await you.

Find Your Perfect Venue

Finding the right bar or pub to enjoy as a solo drinker is vital.It's always nice to have a local spot where you can go for a beer and feel at home. Different bars and pubs appeal to different crowds, so a microbrewery will be a different experience from a cocktail bar or wine bar, all of which can be low-key and less sociable.After you’ve found the right spot, here are some ways to make it your regular haunt.Make friends with the bartenders: Bartenders often make an effort to talk to solo customers, so make a good first impression. Be pleasant, tip well, and come back regularly.Bartenders love having regular customers and people to look after.Building a rapport with the bartenders can enhance your experience, and they may introduce you to other patrons if they know you're comfortable with it. Having a local bar where you're known can be a tremendous asset, especially if you're new in town.Familiarity breeds comfort: As you get to know a bar and its staff, it becomes an extension of your home. You feel at ease, and any self-consciousness you had about drinking alone will fade.Becoming a a regular will help you strike up conversations with other drinkers and enable you to join interesting discussionsA place of business: Having a cool bar around the corner can be a godsend, if you work from home. You can use it as a place of work or a meeting spot with clients. Since you’ll know the bartenders, you might get a discount on their food offers.Bartenders can also help you build local connections, since they’ll know plenty of punters. Bartenders are always looking for reasons to retain locals as loyal customers, so use that to your advantage.

Safety Matters

When you’re out drinking solo, you need take precautions when it comes to your drinks and personal safety. Bars and pubs are social spaces, and not all patrons can be trusted. Here are some safety tips:Where to drink: Do some research about the type of bar or pub you plan to visit alone. It’s wise to scout around locally first, before making your choice.After you enter: Walk into your chosen bar with confidence. Go up to the counter, order a drink, and strike up some banter with the bartender. Confidence is your best friend.Be friendly: Casual, and yourself. Don’t overreact or show that you’re feeling uncomfortable. Dress modestly and comfortably.Watch your levels: Keep in mind you’re in the bar to have fun and relax, so drink responsibly. Maintain your control at all times.Never leave your drink unattended: Take it with you to the restroom. You don’t know if someone will spike you drink.Watch the wallet: Take care of your wallet and phone, keeping them in your top/front pockets, especially in busy bars.Last round: Know your transportation options for getting home before setting out for the night. Know what time the last metro or bus runs, and store taxi numbers on your phone.

Cheers To You

The next time you feel the urge to enjoy a drink alone, remember that there's nothing wrong with it. The stigma surrounding solo drinking is unfounded, and the choice of the right venue can significantly impact your enjoyment. It's all about finding your comfort zone and understanding that solo drinking can be an opportunity for self-indulgence, relaxation, and even networking.

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Is It Weird Going To The Movies Alone?

Is it weird to go to the movies by yourself? Going to the movies is typically seen as a social activity, so some might wonder if it's strange to be there alone. You might catch yourself glancing around the theatre, concerned about being noticed or judged.In this post, I'm here to ease your doubts and fears about solo movie outings. Plus, I'll highlight the many benefits that come with watching films on your own.

What A Cinema Is And Isn’t

It's true that going to the cinema often revolves around being with others. Even the setup, with its large food portions and communal vibe, is geared towards group enjoyment.It's no secret that cinemas make their revenue from the snack bar rather than from the tickets. Having groups of viewers attend is better for them, as it means more snacks will be sold. But the essence of a cinema isn't just about friends and socialising.Let me share a personal story to illustrate this: the first movie I went to see alone was "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" at the London Film Festival. I was drawn to the film and didn't even consider asking someone to join me, mainly because I have eclectic tastes.

The festival was almost sold out, but I managed to snag a last-minute seat (in the middle of the third row). The movie enveloped me, and I never felt alone. The entire 600-strong audience, including me, cheered during action scenes; we even had two standing ovations! It was an incredible experience. Since then, I go to the cinema solo and often, without hesitation.So, what's the point I’m making with my story?It's that cinemas exist to showcase movies, plain and simple. That is their only purpose. While groups do attend, cinemas don't exclude solo or small groups of viewers. There's no sign on the door saying "only for groups," and that's not likely to change.

Solo Viewing Is Advantageous

In fact, there are downsides to watching movies with friends. When you're with them, you might have to compromise on movie choices and end up not enjoying the experience. The focus shifts from appreciating the film to prioritising social interaction.Let's look at the practical benefits of going to the movies alone:Watch what you want: No need to adjust plans based on your friends' preferences. You can watch any movie you're interested in.Freedom of time: You can head straight into the theatre without waiting for others to arrive.No compromises: You're not forced to buy or share food you're not into, saving you money.Uninterrupted viewing: Watching a movie alone offers a distraction-free experience.There are personal benefits too:Self-discovery: Watching movies alone provides time to understand yourself, your values, and your tastes. It's quality "me time" that contributes to your inner happiness.Flexibility: Choose the time that suits you best. You might even be able to get the whole theatre to yourself (has happened to me), if you time it right.Overcoming social anxiety: Buying a solo ticket the first time round might feel awkward. But once you’ve done it, that awkwardness never comes back. Cinema is a great way to overcome social anxiety and realise that others' opinions don't matter as much as you think.As you watch more movies alone, you'll grow more comfortable with solitude and boost your self-confidence. This empowerment extends beyond cinema visits, allowing you to live your life freely without needing others' approval.

How To Start Viewing Alone

So, how do you go about going to the movies alone if it's new to you? Here are some tips:Be yourself: No need to pretend you're meeting others. Just buy your ticket, go inside and enjoy the experience.Cinemas welcome all: Cinemas are for everyone. There's no rule against solo viewing.Research and timing: Choose less busy times for maximum enjoyment. Mondays and Tuesdays are often quieter, as well as mornings and early evenings. If you're interested in catching a new movie shortly after its release, aiming for the third day can be a good idea, as the crowds usually ease by then. Some cinemas might also offer discounted tickets on Mondays, as turnout is generally lower.Pick a comfortable seat: It's your space, so choose a spot that feels right.Bring comforts: Having your favourite snacks can add to the experience.

Take A Seat Today

Going solo to the movies is absolutely a fine way to enjoy films. Cinemas are welcoming to everyone, and our fear of judgment often comes from our own insecurities. So, when you're debating whether to watch a film on your own, remember that your opinion is the only one that truly counts. Enjoy the show!

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Transform Your Mindset: Conquer The Fear Of Making Mistakes

The fear of making mistakes is a common obstacle that holds many of us back from achieving their goals and dreams. Mistakes are never viewed as anything other than negative, but what if there was a way to view them in a positive light?Wouldn't it be amazing to view mistakes as tools to help us succeed? I have a different view about mistakes that I would like to share in this post, along with research to back it up.

The Misconception Of Mistakes

The fear of making a mistake can be paralysing at times. When something we do doesn't go as expected, it can send us into a tailspin. It can impact our self-esteem and make us cautious about starting anything new. You might start to think you’re not good at doing anything, especially if you’re accosted by so many mistakes at once.But the problem with the typical view of mistakes is that a mistake is often seen as the complete story of an action. ‘You take action, it doesn't work out, it's now called a mistake, and that's the end of it.’ This is the incorrect way to view mistakes.Bill Gates once said about mistakes:

"It's fine to celebrate success, but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure."

He's not the only one to hold this view. Many political leaders, teachers, and self-help advocates have long held the view that making mistakes is the best teacher.But that's easier said than done, of course.It takes a lot of strength, bravery, and humility to look back on mistakes and find the good in them, find a lesson in them. Fighting through the emotional upset that surrounds a freshly made mistake can be particularly trying.If you're not the reflective type, you may not find anything useful in your mistakes at all!

Learning From Pain

Luckily, you don't need to be reflective or inward-looking to appreciate mistakes. That's because the brain has done it all for us. Before we dive into the science, you first need to understand how mistakes can benefit us. Here's one way of looking at them.Imagine yourself out in the bright afternoon sun. Have you ever walked across a concrete floor, barefoot, only to regret it afterward? No one loves getting their feet burnt, right? So now that you've experienced it, you know next time to walk in sandals instead.Or what about that front yard near where you live? You know the one I mean. The one where a snarling, barking dog always tries to run at you and jump the fence. Maybe you've walked past enough times, and you're okay with it now.Or maybe you high-tail it past or avoid going near completely!

In science terms, learning from negative experiences is called avoidance learning. The brain uses our pain to prevent us from repeating these mistakes, thereby helping us skip potentially unpleasant situations.Avoidance learning has its merits: bad stuff happens, good lessons are learned. But it also contains a flaw: it can steer you away from taking action to avoid making a mistake. After all, avoidance learning requires some kind of pain.This type of learning can cause anxiety about doing something wrong, which in turn can stop you from taking any step forward. You may even end up inadvertently stuck, unable to act.

Learning From Reward

Which is why there is a second way the brain learns that is good for everyone to know about.This second way is what scientists at the University of South California set out to explore over a series of studies. They wanted to find out how the brain learns when using a reward-based approach, where it feels rewarded (like a happy dog) every time it works out the right answer.A group of students were asked a variety of questions designed to test these different learning styles. Each time they answered right, they earned more money. If they answered wrongly, they lost money.

Researchers found, by the third study, participants were responding more positively if they were given the chance to learn from their mistakes and review what they'd done wrong. By allowing themselves to review what they had done wrong, and in the context of the mistake, the students felt more empowered in their actions.They no longer feared screwing something up, because they knew they could use it to benefit them later.

The Power Of Context

Having a specific context around mistakes is what makes mistakes useful and positive in our lives, rather than something negative. Whenever someone starts a new skill or joins a new class where they don't know anyone, there's bound to be anticipation and fear. You will likely stumble or do something wrong, it’s only natural.But what if you went into that situation with a context in mind that allowed you to mess up, yet carry on happy regardless? This process is what I call "Learnings."Thinking in Learnings gives you permission to mess up on first try and not feel embarrassed about it. Whenever you're starting something new, more often than not, you won't have any prior experience. In order to progress and make improvements, you need a first step.You need a first step, so you can create a better second step after evaluating what could’ve done better, and subsequent future steps. Being the first step means you can mess up, get it wrong, feel stupid, and hate yourself, and it’s all totally fine.

Get Into The Context

Viewing any situation you’re about to start as simply Learnings transforms how your mind views the situation. You will view mistakes more positively, just as the participants at the University of South California had done.Mistakes inside the context of Learnings set you free from the fear of making mistakes.So how do you apply this method to your life? Here are three steps.

1. Before you start a new skill or experience, scribble the word "LEARNINGS" on a note and pin it up somewhere visible. Also prepare your mind to accept that anything you do that goes wrong is okay, that it's needed for the sake of future progress.2. Whenever you do something wrong while in the experience or make a mistake, don't kick yourself or give yourself a hard time. Instead, take a deep breath and look at the word "LEARNINGS" to remind yourself that messing up is okay. Continue to move forward.3. After you've finished your task, review your mess-ups one at a time. Ask yourself: a) What didn't work at the time that led to the mess-up? b) What could you have done better? c) How will you do better at this task again thanks to point b.

Applying the concept of Learnings to your life takes the sting out of making mistakes and transforms them into stepping stones that can enable you to make progress.All of us have the capacity to learn from our mistakes, after all. Learnings takes away the negative emotion surrounding mistakes and turns them into a positive tool.

Power Up

The next time you find yourself hesitating to take action due to the fear of making a mistake, remember that mistakes are not the end of the road, rather they’re the beginning of a new journey towards your goals. By viewing mistakes as valuable opportunities for growth and improvement, you can remove this fear and use them to propel yourself forward. They are the building blocks of your success.

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Are You Struggling With Regret? Here’s How You Escape Its Grip

Have you ever found yourself caught in the web of regret, unable to break free? It's a familiar feeling for many of us, especially when our lives take unexpected turns, veering from the paths we might’ve planned. In those moments, it's easy to get lost in a whirlwind of "what ifs" and "should haves," sinking deeper into the abyss of regret.I remember vividly my own encounter with regret back in 2010. It was a difficult time filled with doubts, second-guessing, and a relentless loop of self-blame. But in the midst of this chaos, I stumbled upon a revelation, one that freed me from the grip of regret.In this post, I'll not only share this transformative technique, but help you understand the true nature of regret.

The Pull Of Regret

Regret is a real and serious problem for everyone, whether we admit it or not. If you could be given the chance to do something differently, at any point in your life, would you do it?Connolly and Zeelenberg (2002) define this negative emotion as "self-blame for unfortunate events".Here are what others have said about regret:

“Living with regrets was like driving a car that only moved in reverse.” - Jodi Picoult“Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets. - Arthur Miller“Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can’t build on it; it’s only good for wallowing in.” - Katherine Mansfield“Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, ‘It might have been.” - Kurt Vonnegut

When we start blaming ourselves for a bad outcome, there comes with it a feeling of loss or sorrow for what might've been, should've been. Before you know it, you find yourself digging around in past events, trying to figure out why what happened happened, and kicking yourself for not doing better.

The Endless Brooding

Back in 2010, I was experiencing a crisis, both personally and professionally.
I’d hit rock bottom, with longtime friendships falling away, and facing a dead end in my career in events planning. I had to move back to Hackney as well, my hometown in London, a place I’d hated.In those early days, I spent most of my time lost in my brooding. In fact, I had a lot of What If's on my mind:

"What if I'd said yes to that opportunity you turned down, I might not've ended up here.""If only I’d done this, I’d have been [fill in the blank].""Why’d I do [blank]? Because [blank] might not have happened then!""Why’d you choose [blank] when if you’d chosen [blank], [blank] might’ve led to [blank], [blank] and more [blank]!"“Why didn’t you [blank] [blank] and [blank], because if you had, then [blank] [blank] [blank] [blank] [blank]!!!”

I was unkempt during all of it, wearing the same clothes day in, day out, not eating well or getting outside. I couldn’t remember what day of the week it was sometimes. I’d tell myself, no, I wasn't in regret, but just reflecting on the past, looking out for lessons to learnYet it always hurt.Most of all, my biggest regret was not spotting the warning signs earlier, that hell was coming. That all was not well in my life. I had a sense something was wrong around the end of 2009. Maybe I could've stopped it all from happening, if I'd been more vigilant. (Except I wasn't).

The Fine Line Of Regret

In some respects, the pain of regret can be a useful tool. If what you're regretting is only a few weeks or months old, regret can prompt you to change or correct course, even nudge you into pursuing a new path.As Kathryn Schulz put it, "Regret doesn’t remind us that we did badly. It reminds us that we know we can do better."But where regret gets dangerous, is when there's less opportunity to change the situation you're mourning. In cases like this, regret can lead to chronic stress on the body and mind. Research reported in the AARP Newsletter, shows such stress can "negatively affect hormonal and immune system functioning".Or worse still, cause depression.So what can we do to halt all the self-blame and endless rumination? That's when I started looking into the nature of regret itself, wondering what emotionally was keeping me prisoner there.

What They’ve Got Wrong About Regret

I'm just gonna say it: We've got it all wrong about regret, in how we deal with it.Regret's often treated as a dilemma we can't fix. That, once you experience it, you're trapped inside it forever, addicted to the anger for bygone days you wish had turned out differently.That's when I understood there was something else behind regret that was keeping me in regret. But, surprisingly, it wasn't the missed opportunities we usually hanker for.Think about this for a second. You’re back there, in the past, in your mind, trying to work out what went wrong, digging around hopelessly for answers, wishing your outcomes were different.Problem is, you’re looking at the past from the wrong angle. You're also overlooking one major factor: who you were at the time.Because, back then, in that past, when you took the decision you did, you took it with the knowledge and self-understanding you had at the time.Repeat after me: You had at that time.At THAT time.

What Fuels Regret

Okay, you might not have made a good decision in that moment or one that worked completely in your favour, but a decision was made. And okay, said decision may not have taken your life in a direction you really wanted, but you weren't to know how future events would unfold back then.But a decision was taken, with the life experiences, knowledge, information and instincts you had at the time.So it can’t be regret that keeps us hurt.It’s what you’re doing to yourself now that is – judging yourself for a decision you made in the past, based on knowledge you know now, but that you didn’t have then. That you "should've known better". And you really can’t be doing that.

Unwishful Thinking

I could’ve wished I'd saved more money or had trained in evergreen skills that mattered.I could’ve wished I’d said yes to a job I was hesitant about taking, or left London earlier and lived somewhere else in the UK, such as Manchester or Scotland. But for whatever reason in the past, I chose not to do that.I had different priorities at the time, and likely had fears or doubts in other areas of my life that kept my attention there. I was likely happy where I was or coping if I wasn't.I'm also not a future-thinking person in general. I can barely plan beyond a month, much less ten years into the future!So should I be judging this person based on who I am now, and deriding the choices he made in my past? Would you do that to a friend?If not, why do that to yourself? How is berating yourself helpful to you?

You have to learn to forgive yourself. Easy to say, I know, and hard to do, I know that too, yet necessary.When it comes to regret, I've learned that the only right thing I can do is accept those past decisions, even though my life turned out differently with them.But more than that, I also have to accept that who I was back then, in the past, had made the right decision for what he needed at the time, in whatever circumstances he was in.I can't fault him for that.

Time To Untangle

So, what can you do to apply this understanding of what fuels your regret and wriggle free? While the technique I’ve just shared isn’t difficult to do, to reach the point of freedom does require introspection and self-compassion.Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, remind yourself that you made the best choice you could with the tools you had available at that time. By reframing your perspective, you can see your past decisions as valuable learning experiences that have shaped who you are today. Instead of being harsh on yourself for past decisions, show yourself kindness and understanding.Keep your focus on the present moment and the opportunities it holds for new growth and change. Letting go of judgements for the past involves choosing to let go of the emotional attachment for the past and redirecting your energy towards creating a positive future.You’re in control of how you perceive your past, the past itself doesn’t have control over you, as strange as that might sound. The past is nothing more than data now. Memories can easily be distorted, whether you’re feeling bad or good. You can be the victim or the hero in those memories, and that choice is entirely your call.

Into The Light

The weight of regret can often feel like an anchor, holding us down in a cycle of "what ifs" and "should haves." It's all too easy to spend our days mourning the paths not taken and the choices left unmade. Experts have long believed that regret stems from missed opportunities; my own journey with regret reveals a completely different reason altogether. So there is hope. By understanding the true nature of regret, using my technique, you can begin to unravel its hold on you and come back to a place of personal power and possibility.

Never Regret Going Solo

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Struggling With 'Self-Care'? Here's A More Effective Solution!

Have you ever heard of the term "self-care" and wondered what it really is? What does self-care look like, and how do you know you're caring for yourself properly? I understand the confusion; after all, the term "self-care" is very vague, yet another trendy buzzword.In this post, I'm going to introduce you to a term that I find more effective than "self-care" and provide you with concrete examples of how you can bring it into your life.

The Toll Of Neglect

So, what is the problem that requires any of us to do self-care in the first place? Why should we need to take a step back from life to take care of ourselves?The answer is simple: neglecting our own needs while constantly juggling the demands of others can lead us down a path of exhaustion and overwhelm. It's a common scenario, isn't it? We give so much of ourselves to our responsibilities and to the people around us that we often forget to refill our own cup.The truth is, neglecting your own needs can leave you feeling drained, physically and mentally. In this era of constant hustle, it's important to recognise when you need to hit pause, recharge, and refocus.When you consistently put yourself last, it takes a toll on your mental and physical well-being. Ignoring your needs can lead to heightened stress levels, leaving you drained and reducing your ability to perform at your best.If you’re not taking time to rest, fatigue, anxiety and depression are just around the corner. And if you can’t give to yourself, then you sure as hell can’t give anything to anyone else either! Resentment may start to creep in, affecting your interactions with loved ones and co-workers, even total strangers.It’s not selfish to put yourself first, for a change, by the way. Imagine this: would others prioritise you in the same way you prioritise them? If the answer is no, it's high time to make a change.

Don’t Call It Self-Care

Now, how does one practice self-care? What exactly should you do when indulging in self-care?That’s the problem with the term "self-care,” it’s often too vague; it's a bit too broad and somewhat elusive. When you think of car care or house care, the intention behind those terms is crystal clear. But with "self-care," things get a bit murkier. After all, we don't often view ourselves as external objects that need regular maintenance.This is why I prefer the term "self-rejuvenation." It conveys the intention behind what it is much more precisely and encourages you to seek out activities that will, well, rejuvenate you. Let's explore some concrete ways to give yourself the recharge you need:Unplug: Disconnect from technology and carve out time for solitude and relaxation. Kick back with activities such as reading, soaking in a bath, or listening to music.Nourish: Put health and rest at the heart of your bodily needs. Treat your body to delicious food and turn to activities that bring you laughs. Don’t rush what you’re doing; instead, take things easy. Allow yourself to go slow.Indulge: Set aside some quality time to doing things that make you feel alive. Whether it's diving into lifelong hobbies or digging into new interests, use your hours as explorations in self-expression and fulfilment.Quality sleep: Quality rest is a cornerstone of self-rejuvenation. Establish a calming bedtime routine and create a relaxing vibe around your bed so you can drop away easily.Connect with nature: Whether it's taking a hike, having a chilled picnic in the park, or just looking up at the stars, nature can bring you back to your senses in no time.Set boundaries: Learn to say no to activities, commitments, and people that drain your energy and overwhelm you. Establishing healthy boundaries allows you to protect your time and conserve your well-being.

Feel Better

In a world that often glorifies constant productivity and hustle, it's easy to lose sight of our own needs. Just as you tend to your external responsibilities, you must also nurture the wellspring of vitality within you. Without it, you might as well just be a walking corpse. Taking care of yourself isn't a luxury but a necessity, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Time To Care About Solo

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Addressing The Confusion: The Difference Between "Alone" And "Lonely"

Stepping out on a journey of independence, whether you’re living, travelling, or working on your own, is always a momentous occasion. Unfortunately, in today's modern world, the terms "alone" and "lonely" are still often used interchangeably, particularly in mainstream media, which can cast a shadow over the benefits of solo pursuits.In this article, I aim to set the record straight and untangle the distinct meanings of these words once and for all.

The Clear Divide

The desire to stand on your own two feet and carve out your unique path to freedom is a bold move for many. The decision to go in this direction is never a hasty one, and taking these steps is a sign of maturity and self confidence.However, the media's (intentional?) blurring of "alone" and "lonely" annoyingly and frequently clouds this aspiration. While these words might look similar, they actually represent completely different concepts.

Revelling In Solitude

"Alone" refers to a deliberate act of being physically or emotionally separated from others. This is a state of mind that is actively sought after and cherished for its ability to provide self-reflection, focus, and personal development.Being alone doesn't equate to loneliness. Instead, it gives you the opportunity to rejuvenate, innovate, and simply hang out in your own company.Robert Tew once said of aloneness:

“Sometimes you need to take a break from everyone and spend time alone to experience, appreciate, and love yourself.”

Henry David Thoreau added:

“I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.”

Picture yourself in a quiet corner of a cosy café somewhere, enjoying your favourite brew while chilling out with a book. Or perhaps you’re on a hike through a quiet forest, where every step is followed by the crunch of rustling leaves.Imagine being in a busy market, soaking up new aromas while chatting casually with stallholders.These scenarios showcase the essence of being alone — a fulfilling experience filled with curiosity and self-empowerment.

Craving Connection

“Lonely,” on the other hand, carries a heavy weight of emotional distress. It goes beyond just physical isolation; it includes a sense of disconnection, emotional distance, and a hunger for meaningful companionship.
Loneliness is a longing that often overpowers the simplicity of solitude.Imagine being in a restaurant alive with laughter and chatter, while you’re stand enviously on the sidelines, a spectator to others' happiness. Or maybe you're in a quiet room, where the silence around you feels suffocating.What about being surrounded by stunning views while on vacation? Yet all you can think about is wishing you had someone to share these memories with.

Essential Difference

The core distinction between "alone" and "lonely" lies in how individuals perceive time spent on their own.For folks who love solitude, being on their own opens them up to a treasure trove of self-discovery, growth and mental downtime. For those wracked by loneliness, being on their own is a painful feeling that intensifies their yearning for connection.Loneliness extends beyond just being a state of mind; it reflects how a lonely person perceive themselves. Those struggling with loneliness often fear being in their own presence, and seek escape and external sources to fill the hole. Mark Twain once said:

“The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.”

Loneliness is, in actuality, a form of self-rejection — a belief that a person’s own company isn't enough to provide them with comfort. A lonely person views themselves only in the negative, in a lack state, while ignoring all of their positive attributes and achievements. It’s an imbalance of self-worth.The cycle of negative emotions that grows out from this imbalance can damage their personal growth over time.Folks who enjoy alone time perceive its quietness as a source of contentment, not distress. They relish the freedom to make decisions, free of distractions or external influences. They value the calmness it provides, allowing their minds to rest and recharge.Loneliness can come as the result of a variety of circumstances, such as relocating to an unfamiliar place, the loss of a loved one, social rejection, or even digital isolation. These factors often get caught up in self-image perceptions, which can feed into the emotions that feed into loneliness.

From Lonely To Contented?

You might ask the question, if it’s possible to switch from loneliness to solitude, from a fear of time alone to embracing it?That’s quite a loaded question, to be honest, especially given the psychological complexity of loneliness. I wouldn’t be able to answer that question, except to say that anyone looking to make that shift would need to seek out professional help, in order to feel supported and guided in their journey. The lonely person has to change how they view time alone, which requires self examination and a more positive perception of themselves.

Embracing Solo

Clearing up the differences between "alone" and "lonely" can help us navigate our paths with clarity and purpose. Being alone isn't a rejection of companionship, just as loneliness can serve as a signal directing us toward the connection we need. Ignore the mainstream media’s childish need to conflate the pair, and take charge of your solo journey today.

Feel Confident Alone Today

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Unmasking The Media’s Bias Against Loners

Pick up any newspaper and you’ll commonly see the negative way in which the media reports on loners. Why is it that loners are only called out when it comes to murders? Why is the word "loner" always associated with rape and killing in the press? I’m going to dig into this topic a bit, because I’ve always found it fascinating.

Dawning Realisation

A few years ago, I'd set up a Google alert for the term "loner" to help with the research side for this solo project. Every day, I'd get pinged, and every ping came in the form of a news headline. I started to build a collection of headlines, here are some examples:

"Loner pensioner groomed 'teenage boy' online before sending sex images.""Loner caught with a sickening collection of child abuse images.""Pervert loner jailed after taking hundreds of pictures of women's bottoms.""Parenting: 'What should I do about my teenager becoming a loner?'""Loner, pilot, barbecue-lover - mystery swirls around accused killer."

As you can see from this small sampling, there's not a single headline that celebrates loners. It's also only men being called out as loners, never women.And while I'm not condoning the individuals called out in those headlines from doing terrible things, loners are only highlighted in the media when terrible things happen.That’s when it dawned on me how media representation of loners also impacts on the general view of those who’ve found themselves alone.

That Alone Thing

So what is a loner anyway? A loner is an individual who has ended up alone due to social exclusion in some form. Their situation isn't always their fault. Circumstances that can force someone to become a loner include:

• Social skills
• Rejection from a peer group due to incompatibility
• Shyness
• Bullying
• Living somewhere with few opportunities to meet people
• Upbringing
• Trauma
• Or moving around with family due to work

The word “loner” is sometimes conflated as having the same meaning as “soloist.” A soloist is an individual who loves being alone and proactively seeks out alonetime and solitude. What makes a loner different from a soloist is that absences from social connection can negatively impact on their self-esteem, to the point where they internalise the rejection and view themselves as being at fault.With that in mind, why would the media behave this way towards loners? Surely it’s better to try and understand these individuals instead of demonising them, right?Unfortunately, we still live in a society with a stigma towards people going it alone or solo. Modern society still expects us to “turn to friends and family” when the shit hits the fan, to improve our social skills if we find ourselves without friends, or thinks of solos as nutcases just because they’re alone.And the media happily helps cheer that perception on, using a technique called a smear campaign.

Smearing Loners

Just what is a smear campaign, exactly?At one time or another, you've had your opinion about particular groups or individuals shaped for you without realising. Think of a politician, celebrity, or cause that you dislike. Did you form that negative opinion of them by yourself, or have you been manipulated?Haven't you ever wondered why the media is constantly attacking particular people? Haven't you ever wondered why there are so many claims about racism and sexism about people in newspapers? The goal of a smear campaign is to damage the reputation of an individual or a group.Smear campaigns consist of a variety of forms, of which I'm going to touch on three.Labelling: Think back to the previous headlines that associate loners with killer, pervert, and pedophile. When these same labels are used over and over again, sooner or later, the public will come to think of these labels as containing truth. After all, we never see any other words associated with them, least of all positive terms. Labelling is like a form of playground name-calling, and done often enough, we start to believe these names to be true.Smear campaigns are like character assassinations. The accuracy of the labelling isn't important, only that it forces the audience to eventually change their opinion.Using images: Take a look at any photos in media stories about loners, and all of them feature ugly, grim, and unhappy faces. Smear campaigns often use photos that depict the target in a certain way. You’ll never see images where the target is presented in a confident and positive manner, only in ones that carry negative connotations.The goal of these images is to place a subconscious association in the mind of the reader between target and feelings. In our case, the press associates loners with feelings of discomfort, fear, and disdain around them.Guilty by association: When a smear campaign tries to attach a negative label to a specific person or group, there's no easier way to do so than simply associating them with others who carry that label. Loners are automatically depicted as perverts, killers, rapists, and pedophiles, as is the reverse, whether they are or notThis is known as the association fallacy, which is where we assume that because two things are connected in some way, they must have the same characteristics. Which isn't true.For example, if someone says, "I heard that many successful people wear red socks, so if I wear red socks, I'll be successful too," they are making an association fallacy. Just because successful people wear red socks doesn't mean that wearing red socks will make you successful.

Don’t Families Also Kill?

Ultimately, you could also say the press demonises loners, because it sells newspapers, isn't that a more simple fact? That's true, as well. But we never see the press attacking group-oriented people in the same way they do loner-oriented types.Families can kill too - think Fred and Rosemary West, David and Catherine Birnie - as can couples (such as Myra Hindley and Ian Brady). And while these cases are equally as shocking, they're not as frequently in the press as solo killers. Loners make for good press fodder!Having a slow week, Daily Mail in May 2021? Just print this headline to get all the web traffic you need: "'Pictured: 'Eccentric loner' who brought county court case against Boris Johnson for 'defaming her.'"

Read Between The Lines

The media's negative fascination with loners is a complex issue, that involves smear campaigns, profit motives, and the power to shape public perceptions. It's important to recognise that the negative portrayal of loners is not representative of all individuals who identify as loners. While we don’t have any control over the media, we do have control over what we read, as well as the power to educate others not in the know on these topics.

Feel Good Being Solo

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Home Alone Struggle?

For anyone shifting into solo living, one of the biggest obstacles you'll face, day in day out, is being home alone in total silence.The prospect of hearing nothing except your nagging, negative thoughts as your only “companion” can be terrifying. Adjusting to this new living situation is not easy, in fact it can be uncomfortable for a lot of people. And while veteran solos might harp on about the ‘bliss of solitude’, reaching this level of comfort with solo quiet time is a journey.The following posts hack that journey, and will help you reach that level a lot faster, than is normal, so you can live comfortable solo with better confidence. These posts will change how you see your situation, so that “alone” is not something to fear, but actually a doorway into greater personal freedom and positive health (mental, emotional, and physically).

Can't Quieten Your Mind While Living Alone? This Solution Takes Just 8 Minutes

Unlock The Essence Of Solitude With This Relatable Analogy!

Let's Cut To The Chase: Isn’t Living Alone Lonely?

Never Struggle With Being Solo

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Can't Quieten Your Mind While Living Alone? This Solution Takes Just 8 Minutes

Now that you're living alone, one of the first obstacles you'll face is the daunting prospect of sitting alone in silence. How do you cope with hearing nothing but nagging thoughts swirling in your head? Is there a way to silence these annoying mental whispers?The fear of being alone with your thoughts is a major hurdle to many living alone or engaging in solo activities. I've faced this challenge myself, and I’m here to share a technique that will turn down the volume in your head, making solitude more comfortable.

The Fear Of Silence

In some ways, it’s quite surprising that people would feel uncomfortable when left alone with their thoughts.In a world filled with chaos and constant noise, you’d assume that anyone would relish the chance for a mental timeout, right?However, research conducted by the University of Virginia in 2014, led by psychologist Timothy Wilson, revealed a different reality.Participants were asked to spend time alone with their thoughts, ranging from six to 15 minutes, in sparsely furnished rooms after putting away their belongings. The initial studies involved college students, most of whom found the experience unpleasant and struggled to concentrate.A subsequent study with participants from broader backgrounds and ages produced similar results. Even when participants were allowed to perform the experiment in their own homes, the discomfort persisted.

This Next Bit Is Shocking (Literally!)

To further explore this discomfort, researchers conducted a follow-up experiment. Participants were left alone in a lab room for 15 minutes with the option to administer an electric shock to themselves by pushing a button.The results were astonishing: 67% of men and 25% of women chose to shock themselves with electricity rather than sit quietly with their thoughts! It challenges the assumption that people would enjoy having some "thinking time."

The Inner Turmoil

What is it that’s inside our heads that makes some people prefer electric shocks over introspection?While I'm not a psychologist, I'm familiar with the nagging voices that plague us all. These voices include the inner critic, a constant "Chatty Cathy" (as I call it) that replays life's "What if's" ad infinitum.The rumination, regret, frustration, and echoes of people from our past and present, in an endless flood.We dwell on missed opportunities, lost loves, failed relationships, and our perceived shortcomings. Some people can't seem to sit still long enough without needing external validation or approval, reaching for their phones to dull these anxieties.It's important to remember, though, that this inner turmoil is made up of nothing more than thoughts.We give these thoughts their volume by focusing our attention on them. Knowing this means we can learn to turn down the sound, by shifting our focus elsewhere.

The Power Of Eight Minutes

In 2012, during a particularly trying time where I couldn’t get any peace, I went on a quest to find a meditation technique.Impatient by nature, I was eager to find a meditation I could quickly jump into for instant relief. That's when I stumbled upon "8 Minute Meditation" by Viktor Davisch.Now, you might wonder if meditating for just eight minutes is too short to get any results. It turns out, there's a common misconception that meditation requires lengthy sessions of 30 minutes or more.Let’s face it, if you’re new to meditation, sitting still for even a few minutes can be challenging enough, let alone half an hour. Traditional meditation often advises us to "shut off our thoughts," but how exactly can anyone silence their mind?In his bestselling book, Davisch answers all of our doubts. He suggests that short, manageable sessions makes meditation accessible to all, even those with busy lives. By starting with just eight minutes a day, you can ease into things without feeling overwhelmed.The main difference in his practice, compared to traditional methods, lies in not trying to silence your thoughts - but instead leaving them running in the background. He teaches you to detach from them.The less attention you give your thoughts, the less noise they make. Overtime, they’ll start to fade into the distance.

Guided Steps To Success

"8 Minute Meditation" teaches you a different meditation exercise every week.You start the process with the "Just One Breath" technique in Week One, which you do once a day every day for the entire week. Once you’ve done that, only then do you move onto the second exercise.Each meditation exercise builds upon the one before it. Here’s a list of what to expect:Week One - "Just One Breath": This exercise sets the foundation, and focuses on your breath. Whenever your mind starts to drift, or turn into Chatty Cathy, you can start to detach from the noise by bringing your attention back to your breathing.Week Two - "Naked Sound": After you’ve set the foundation, you learn how to meditate in noisy environments. This is useful if you live in the city and are surrounded by constant traffic or conversations.Week Three - "Noting Body Sensations": Here you learn to focus on sensations in your body as you meditate. Davisch teaches you how to acknowledge them, without judgment, so you can maintain your mindfulness.Week Four - "This Magic Moment": This teaches you how to focus on the present moment. You learn to appreciate the beauty and serenity of where you are right now, as opposed to thinking about the past or the future.Week Five - "Labelling Thoughts": You'll learn to categorise your thoughts so you can stop getting caught up in them. This can help you detach from your mental chatter even further.Week Six - "Open-Focus": In this exercise, you’ll start to expand your awareness to include your surroundings, rather than ignore them. Davisch teaches you how to stay calm, despite the distractions around you.Week Seven - "Sound Awareness": You learn how to combine your meditation with listening. Sometimes, when you’re meditating, it’s not possible to do it in a quiet room. Your ears will pick up stuff and likely pull you out of your meditating mode.Week Eight - "Silence and Stillness": In the final week, you'll learn how to incorporate all the previous weeks into a cohesive form.Hopefully, you will also have experienced inner peace along the way, giving you the confidence to incorporate this practice into your daily life.

How This Meditation Changed Me

I have to admit, I never got beyond the “Naked Sound” meditation. That’s because, the second I started using it, I got the results I was looking for using it along with the "Just One Breath" technique.Thanks to “Naked Sound,” I can find instant inner calm wherever I go. I’ve even meditated in nightclubs at two in the morning without a hitch!More than a decade later, I’m still using both techniques on a daily basis - both in the morning and before bed - 16 minutes a day. The quietness in my head these days is astounding.

Making Calmness A Habit

You can choose the time of day that suits your meditation, whether that’s the morning, evening, or during breaks. The frequency is up to you — once a day, twice a day, or more. Over time, you can increase your duration as you become more comfortable using the exercises.Be aware that your mind will resist the exercises, during the early days, and ramp up the noise in some effort to fight back. This happened to me in my first week, when “Single Ladies” by Beyonce started playing in my head every time I shut my eyes!This resistance is normal, according to Davisch, who I reached out to with the Beyonce problem. I was advised to stay focused on my breath and whichever exercise I was learning. I could’ve fallen off the horse forever, without knowing that.Fortunately I stayed put, and by day three the song was gone.

Peacefulness Is Here

If you find solitude challenging or struggle to escape the endless parade of thoughts in your mind, you’re not alone. But getting out of it is no longer difficult thanks to Viktor Davisch and his thoughtful meditation technique. Using his methods will bring more balance to your life, and help create inner breathing space. With consistent practice, you can start to enjoy living alone with greater ease, and have peaceful days to boot.

Enjoy The Power Of Solo

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Unlock The Essence Of Solitude With This Relatable Analogy!

You've probably seen the term "solitude" used quite a bit, when it comes to the world of solo, or seen it mentioned in various Solo Pep Talk posts. It’s often talked about in relation to quiet time experienced alone. But what exactly is solitude? What does it look like, and perhaps more importantly, how does it feel?If you've ever found yourself wondering about solitude, don’t worry, you’re not alone. In this post, I aim to demystify the concept of solitude, as well as offer tips on how best to maximise your time while there.

Freeing You From Loneliness

So, why is it necessary to understand what solitude is at all?Well, for anyone choosing to step into the solo life, it can make the difference between being alone and being lonely. The fear of being lonely is what crosses the minds of many wannabe solos, who would love to live alone or work for themselves, yet can’t take that step.If you’re still new to enjoying your own company, the transition into such a state can be soothed with solitude. You could say solitude is the bridge between the two, from the fear of loneliness to outright addiction to alonetime!Solitude really is that powerful.It just isn’t definable enough.

A Vague Concept

Unlike being alone, solitude itself can seem almost abstract. It’s like a buzzword that's thrown around without much consideration for its true essence.Now the experience of being alone, we can all understand. When you're alone, you can feel the physical absence of people. If you need further confirmation that you’re alone, all you have to do is look around you. If you’re home alone, you won’t hear a thing. If you’re out in the street, nobody rushing by you is stopping to say hello.Solitude doesn’t have that same concrete essence. It's not a term that finds its way into everyday conversations as frequently as "alone" does. “Yeah, I’m going to have some solitude tonight,” is not a typical answer to questions about your evening plans.Not even the most famous of philosophers have been able to nail what solitude is, and many have tried. Take a look at these quotes.

• "Solitude is often the best company." - Confucius. (Okay, great).
• "In solitude, the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself." - Laurence Sterne. (Valuable).
• "Solitude is strength; to depend on the presence of the crowd is weakness. The man who needs a mob to nerve him is much more alone than he imagines." - Paul Brunton. (Right on, Paul).
• "Solitude is where one discovers one is not alone." - Marty Rubin. (Yeah, that’s not really helpful, Marty, but thanks anyway).

All very nice quotes, right? Everyone here clearly enjoyed being in solitude, except nobody can get clear about what it is.Until solitude is definable, and made concrete, new solos are going to be left hanging in the doubts and fears of their new lives.I don’t want that for you.Which is why from today onwards, I want you to start thinking of solitude as going to a spa.

Take A Breath

Picture this: As you step through the doors of a spa, you’re hit by a wave of tranquility almost immediately. With every step, you can feel yourself giving into the serenity and peace of your surroundings.The peace rising from your breath, as you sit there silently, starts to ease your mind with every moment. As you shut your eyes on the massage table, you can feel knots of tension being kneaded away. As you float across on the pool, you let yourself get carried away by the warm current.By the time you leave the spa, you feel utterly transformed.Solitude is exactly 100% like this. Solitude is like having a spa day, but every day!

Lucky You

Solitude is well known for its healing qualities. When you’re in solitude, you can let go of the pressures of daily life, and without exerting a lot of effort too.For many, the idea of having some high quality me-time can seem like a distant dream, especially if family and work take up their time. Can you imagine diving into your hobbies, catching up on some reading, or just enjoying a walk, without anyone barging in on your space?If that sounds heavenly, that’s because it is heavenly.Solitude is something to aspire to, to cherish, and to celebrate. As a result, getting to have “a spa day every day” isn’t something solos should take for granted. It should be relished, not squandered.Thanks to living alone, you have the opportunity to "have a spa day every day" without any disruption at all. You can fully immerse into the surrounding bliss, where stress can melt away, and inner peace can flourish.

Let It All Fall Away

So, now you know what solitude actually is, what can you do to get yourself into your spa every day and forever? Here are four areas you can create at home to help facilitate that.A cosy zone: Find a comfortable corner in your home, whether by a window or nestled in a nook, and turn it into a reading spot. Grab a book that you've been wanting to read, make yourself a hot drink, and fall away into a world of imagination and adventure.A meditation zone: Set aside a quiet space at home where you can sit comfortably, close your eyes, and focus on your breath. Take few moments to practice meditation, paying attention to every inhale and exhale. If you’re new to meditating, check out this easy meditation technique that takes just eight minutes a day.A reflective zone: Grab a notebook and pen and let your thoughts flow freely onto the page. Write about your day or anything else that comes to mind. Journalling can be a therapeutic way to process emotions, gain clarity, and express yourself without fear of judgement.A chillout zone: Whether you prefer electronic beats, nature sounds, or gentle ocean waves, relaxing to music can help release stress and create a serene atmosphere at home. Using portable speakers as well can help you soothe away in any room you want.

Time To Feel Good

The term "solitude" can indeed seem like a buzzword, its essence elusive in the world of solo. But once it’s understood, via a real-world context, you’ll be able unlock its mysteries and enjoy its healing properties. Solitude is not merely about being alone, but rather about finding peace and connection with yourself. By using the analogy described in this post, you’ll be able to nourish your mind and body in ways you never thought possible.

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Isn't Living Alone Lonely?

Is living alone lonely? By renting solo, aren’t you condemning yourself to a life of loneliness? Won’t you go stir-crazy from having no one to come home to? These are questions that often pop into the minds of those toying with the idea of living alone.In today's post, I’m going to share my thoughts on the topic as well as reveal the key to successful solo living.

On The Up

More people than ever are choosing to live independently. Statistics from One World Data show (in the graph below) that the number of one-person households in the US alone have doubled over the last fifty years.Yet despite this upward trend, the assumption still persists, that living by yourself is inherently negative, compared to shared homes. This misconception continues to be fuelled by media bias against solo lifestyles or from naysayers who’ve never lived on their own.

Solo living is not a negative experience at all, as you already know yourself. There are plenty of upsides, the most significant being that the very act of living alone is an achievement all by itself. Knowing how to handle chores, bills, and other everyday tasks by yourself brings with it a sense of accomplishment.Learning how to manage your own space and take responsibility for your life is a sign of both independence and maturity.Living alone means you get to live in a home that’s completely your own and designed to your tastes. You get to revel in a space free of distractions, compromise, and invasions of privacy.Living solo isn't an alternative to houseshares, as it’s commonly believed. It's a parallel lifestyle choice with its unique set of advantages and drawbacks, just as shared living is.

Shared Living Has Negatives (Yes, Really)

So, if solo and shared living are parallel lifestyles, then it’s only fair that we ask the question “Isn’t shared living lonely?” Sure this can’t possibly exist, right? The term “shared living” automatically implies instant companionship and endless emotional support, doesn’t it?Being on your own is the only way to experience loneliness, no?If you’ve ever lived with people, then you know loneliness can manifest there, too. In the case of a houseshare, unless you’re living with friends, most of these homes are rented with strangers. And living with strangers has its own baggage.

Coming home to people you don’t know or don’t yet trust is never easy. You might get to know a little about them, over time, but not everyone is amendable to baring their soul. Hoping they’ll support you after a rough day at work is mostly wishful thinking. Most renters just want to get on with their own lives, and steer clear of “problematic” roommates.Ever fallen into a depressive mood, and been unable to talk it out, despite living with three or more people? Ever wanted to join in on someone’s else fun, only to be told you’re invading their space? You get the picture.

Get Naked?

Living with a partner or family, on the other hand, can be just as demanding, leading to drain and unexpected isolation. It can be a struggle trying to get your needs met, when there’s always someone else to look after. Negotiating for your right to be heard can be an ongoing battle, when roles (and hierarchy in families) are constantly at play.Unlike solo living, you’ll always be wearing a mask when sharing a home, even with someone you love. To be truly yourself, means giving yourself permission to be ugly and gross in addition to being cool. That rarely happens in group living, since your “ugly and gross” might offend somebody.Ever walked around naked all day while living with your family? There you go!

Unlock Solo Living

So, is living alone a lonely experience? Not at all. If you cherish your own company, genuinely like yourself, and enjoy spending time with yourself, you can never be alone.

Loneliness is a form of self-rejection, where the individual doesn’t believe they’re likeable enough to themselves to even spend time with. If you’re rejecting yourself, then of course being in any space alone is going to feel uncomfortable. This is underscored by the following quote about from motivational speaker, Wayne Dyer:

"You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with."

The ultimate key to successful solo living is by embracing what I call "self-company." Self-company comes from recognising and appreciating your own company as being a valid and enjoyable experience. It comes from a position of self-love, where you hold yourself in high esteem and aren’t dependent on others to make you feel complete.I mentioned earlier that act of living alone is an achievement by itself, in knowing how to manage your home by yourself. The same idea extends here to self-company: knowing how to enjoy yourself by yourself.After all, you’ve chosen to live alone, when you could’ve just rented with other people. If you’re choosing to live alone, then you’re also setting an intention, of wanting to live without housemates. You want to have that time to yourself, to live without distractions. When you view solo living through the lens of self-company, you’ll never be lonely, ever.When you start to value self-company, the quietness around you transforms into solitude. Your home will become a haven, where you can decompress and reconnect with your inner self. Living alone gives you the freedom to live as you wish, without compromising for anyone else's needs or desires. You can walk around naked as much as you like, too!

Create Your Key

So, how do you start embracing self-company? A great starting place is by increasing your sense of autonomy from tasks and activities done normally with friends.

Say, for example, you’ve never tiled your floor before without having someone come over to help out. Now is the time to do it on your own, without their input. While this task might seem daunting at first (and maybe a bit boring as well, let’s be honest), there’s an adventurous element to taking it on solo. The end goal is about building a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction.Another good example is going to the movies by yourself. Seeing a film solo is still, for a lot of people, a nerve wracking experience. The fear of being judged by groups of moviegoers for watching a film alone can hold solo viewers back.The goal of both examples is to help you recognise yourself as valid company, as an individual worth hanging out with, who can have fun on their own. These small wins will help you build your confidence with living alone.

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Solo Gear

Together Kit isn’t just about ideas—it’s about making connections and friendship easier, without the stress.Our store, called Solo Gear, is stocked with instant connection tools, conversation starters, and fun experiences to bring people together.Explore the collection & find your next shortcut to effortless socialising!

Recharge & Reset

Stressed At Work—A Quick Way To Find Calm AgainWant To Scream At Your Boss But Can’t? THISShort On Time But Need Instant Stress Relief? This Is Your Answer!

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First product

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